Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    Long overdue discussion

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    Kev
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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Kev on Sat Aug 15, 2015 11:43 pm

    "Hundreds." Though her original point still stood, the two of them had been purging for a very long time. "Things are different here, they don't have their leader and people don't always stay dead. At the very least, I don't see a way where they can just keep purging over and over as they used to, not without at least some doubt...some sort of change." Kev had already experienced some of the doubt that Fear had been struggling with, how he felt like he was getting nowhere. How the Dark Judge felt like a vicious, unproductive cycle. And yes, the alien had heard all of these arguments five times over. Something told him that this wouldn't be the last time he'd have this discussion, either.

    Enabling? The alien blinked several times, sincerely caught off-guard. Sonia had mentioned that Kev's silence made it seem like he didn't care about the fact that Fear murdered people. Did they really think he was enabling Judge Fear and his purges? The murder of who knew how many people? "I've talked with them, Tally. I've already tried to steer Fear away from murder, same as you. I didn't get any further then you did. I've just given up on a useless argument. 'Murder is bad, murder is pointless here. You shouldn't murder people.', it gets exhausting. There's too much for me to turn him away from murder. I can't do that. All I've done, is stop arguing about it. If Fear is antagonizing people, I speak up. If I think he's wrong to insult someone, I say so. Is that still enabling him?" If Fear wronged Kev in any way, he spoke up and informed him of where he was wrong. To enable someone was to keep quiet and let them keep making their mistakes. The alien had enabled in the past, but he did not think he was enabling Fear. "If people think that, then there is nothing I can do to change their mind." It was merely an opinion.

    "It's not a free pass, but it isn't supposed to be. If someone has complex reasons for what they do, and a complex past...how can we expect to easily correct people? Zurg is a complicated man, and it isn't like wagging a finger and saying 'no Zurg, that's wrong' was going to change him. He had to change himself, because only he could truly understand why he did the things he did. Jo was perhaps the only other person who could understand." Indeed, biases got in the way. On both sides, people became attached to people and were unwilling to speak up. Unable to punish. That was why it took Dani's death for her to finally leave things be. Her father could not teach her. Her 'mother' could not discipline her. Her 'brother' manipulated her. "Even if we had gotten Zurg to back down, what about the people that opposed him? You think they would have backed down? Do you think we could have told them that enough was enough, and had them back down?" The both of them knew the answer. "I stood up and said enough was enough. I told Metal Man to back down, I told Hot Shot and Deadsilver to stay. I told Blade to watch his mouth. I got Prixlezub to back down. I got him to give Blade a pass twice. It was Blade who let things continue. It was him who tossed away the warnings and free passes. Because even if we stand up and get 'bad' people to back down, the 'good' are just going to keep going at it because they think they know better." The alien's gaze became pointed. "I have stood up numerous times and said 'enough is enough'. And all that's happened is a slap...being ignored. Being yelled at. Portal Breach would not have been any safer even if we stood up every time Zurg did something, because then he'd have to sit while the 'heroes' attacked him. They would see their chance to attack, and they would take it. To exterminate a threat. And our friend would be gone."

    Kev let that hang in the air, let it ruminate for her to absorb while his body straightened up. Both arms hung by his side as he stared back at the curly haired young woman. Gods, he was so thirsty...maybe once they were done talking, he ought to take an actual lunch break. Tally's head snapped back to stare back at him, he'd obviously struck a nerve. "But it feels like it...it feels like all of you think I'm some...idiot who needs to be watched after, who can't protect himself. Who needs to be pitied, because he can't possibly understand what he's gotten into!" His fingers tensed, the urge to grasp his own head rising. Kev was becoming frustrated, and he only became more frustrated as Tally's eyes changed. He was relieved, because finally that pity was gone, but now it had been replaced. By sadness, and by anger. They were sharp, almost dangerous. As if the alien was wrenching his hand into something painful and frightening that could snap the limb right off if he dug in too deep. For the sake of both of them, the alien showed no sign of faltering.

    If Tally understood so well, then why...why did he feel as though he was hitting a brick wall? Perhaps she felt the same. The two of them had drawn their lines in the sand. They chose their place, they made their decisions. "Are. We are your friends." Kev reminded, eyes hesitant at last. "Aren't we...?" They could stay on their opposite sides, yet still remain friends, especially if she pitied him so because he's her friend. "Good. That's all I want, Tally. It kills me too, it hurts me too but I'm not going to stop. This is my choice and I can't do it half-arsed. We need to remain convicted in our decisions, whatever they may be. I would never want you to stop just for me." Kev had experience in that, after all. Kefka had once been so close, and Kefka was friends with Ridley. Kev didn't want to make Kefka feel like he had to choose between his friends, and so Kev had swallowed up all of his own feelings regarding the Space Dragon. All it did was fuel resentment for the dragon, especially once Kefka had disappeared. All that time...all of that wasted time, in the hopes of being a good friend. Though it would be easy to ask Tally to stop just for him, he knew in the end that it would solve nothing.

    So she didn't plan on apologizing, did she? On one hand, good. Kev had no need for an insincere apology from the mouth of the one who would murder Fear. Yet, on the other hand...sadness stabbed it's way through his chest as the alien finally tore his gaze away from Tally. Unable to look at her. Tally had no plans to apologize about killing Fear and his brother because she didn't care if they were dead. Their death would be a great weight off of her shoulders, a relief. The monsters would be gone from the Breach, there would no longer be any boogie men to worry about. Ttone would be safe, and so would the entire Breach. But for Kev...for Livewire...Fear's death would not be a happy affair. It would not be a cause for celebration. If Fear died, and stayed dead with his brother, there would be no great relief. The two of them would comfort each other while the rest of the Breach slept soundly in their beds. They cared if Fear was killed, they would care so much...the alien trembled for a moment, just imagining it was awful... Kev took a deep breath, steeling himself. He couldn't break down, Fear was fine...for now, he was alright. "Fine." He gasped out.


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    Tally
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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Tally on Mon Aug 31, 2015 8:05 pm

    "Fine hundreds," Her point still stood. They had been purging for a very long time. A very long time. Probably longer than any of them, yes including Zurg, had been alive. That couldn't just change. There was no way that could just change. They had been raised to believe that their way was right, they had spent hundreds of years believing that life was actually a crime.

    If it wasn't for Portal Breach's system, would any of them even still be alive? If it wasn't for the barrier protecting the city would Kev and she even be standing here talking? "A lot of people are likely to die before then kev" A lot of people. How many people had already died? How many parents or children had they killed in the outer district?

    "I've talked with them, Tally. I've already tried to steer Fear away from murder, same as you. I didn't get any further then you did. I've just given up on a useless argument. 'Murder is bad, murder is pointless here. You shouldn't murder people.', it gets exhausting. There's too much for me to turn him away from murder. I can't do that. All I've done, is stop arguing about it. If Fear is antagonizing people, I speak up. If I think he's wrong to insult someone, I say so. Is that still enabling him?"

    "Kev he doesn't give a shit about what anyone else says. You and Livewire are the only two people that guy has even shown any hint of consideration towards, and you've given up telling him to stop. Like you said, you're "done" arguing something that is never going to change. So why would he change? He's got you. He's got Livewire. He's got his brother. And you're going to stay with him, because even if it makes you unhappy you've decided it's a pointless arguement to tell him to stop. So why should he? Why should he ever stop if the only three people he cares about are never going to leave no matter how many people he kills? "

    Kev made his choice, and even if he said he was unhappy about it he was still choosing to stay with Fear, no matter what happened to the rest of them. "We both know, that even if he killed me, or Sonia, or Zurg you'd be with him still. You'd stay with him still, you might be upset but you'd stay with him even if we all permanently died. Wouldn't you?"

    Kev did have a point about Zurg, a complex past did make changing hard but that still didn't mean that they had done right by letting him do what he wanted. "Yeah, it does mean it's hard to change. I'm not arguing that, if anything that kind of supports my argument about the judges and their very little chance of changing. My point with Zurg is that we let him do things. And if Fear is the one who has to change himself then our chances aren't looking any higher. Because why would he?"

    She tossed his pointed look back at him so sharp it might as well have been a lobbed knife in his direction. "Second those two stop killing people Kev I'll stop having a problem with them. Until that day comes no such luck." She was frustrated and angry at him now and it showed. She wasn't the one killing people for kicks. She wasn't the one out in the outer district making a mess. She wasn't the one trying to kill all the living. Mortis and Fear had started all of this. And if people hit them back for it then it was their fault. There was nothing wrong in defending yourself, or the people you loved. Right, Kev?

    Frustration and anger ebbed away in to fatigue. She was tired. She was tired of all of this. She was tired of this place and this bullshit and constantly having to be worried if Ttone would even live to see her adulthood. Maybe...

    Maybe...

    Maybe it was time to leave.

    Would that be so bad? Just leaving? Just taking Ttone and going to some other gamma where it was safe? Utopia always sounded nice, surely there weren't any crazy judges there....

    "Aren't we...?"

    "Are we? She looked at him again. Questioning, begging for an answer. "Can we really be friends? If I kill him and his brother, and they both disappear forever. How are you even going to look at me?" She wasn't Fear. "And don't just say yes... you and Fear have something. You get something from him if you didn't this wouldn't be happening. Whatever you get from him that lets you look at him again after what he does you'll never get that from me. " She could see all that pain, echoing in him like it did in her. There were lines drawn, they'd each picked their path.

    She would never apologize for killing him, how could she? She wouldn't be sorry that he and his brother would be gone. She'd be hurting Kev knowingly, what apology would fix that?

    "You can look at him, you can forgive him. But are you sure that you'll be able to even look at me? If you can, if you're sure...then okay. We're friends, we'll stay friends. " There was a hole opening up inside her, just below her ribs. It felt like a blade, like someone was carving her from the inside out to leave her in agony. Kev, one of the last few friends that she had....But if it was going to end why not end it now? Why prolong it? Why drag this out for both of them if it was unlikely that he would ever be able to forgive her. "I want to but.. could they even really do this?
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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Kev on Tue Sep 01, 2015 1:10 am

    "A lot of people are going to die before you ever get a chance to beat him down, does that make you want to stop fighting him?" A lot of people were going to die no matter what, a lot of people died in general. How many people died before BLACKCAT got their asses in gear? How many people died before Alpha was defeated? How many people died every day, Judges or no Judges? "A lot of people are going to die whether or not I remain his friend." The emphasis was palpable, Kev had already said as much but it seemed to zip right over Tally's head. Maybe this time she'd understand.

    Tally wrote:"Why should he ever stop if the only three people he cares about are never going to leave no matter how many people he kills?"

    Kev's pupils narrowed into slits, eyes narrowing at Tally. He really had to begin wondering at this point if this was yet another pointless argument. No matter what Kev said, or how he said it, it was becoming obvious that Tally already made up her mind regarding Fear and the possibility of his redemption. And yet...he still had to try. "I didn't say I was going to stop arguing because it was never going to change, I said I stopped because it was pointless to argue. I didn't have the ability to word it in the way that would change his mind forever but that doesn't mean he'll never stop. He can change because he'll want to. You don't know him like I do, Tally. I know that eventually he'll get sick of this." Indeed, if Fear were to permanently kill Sonia, Tally and Zurg, would Kev stay with the Judge? Even if they died permanently, would he stay? The alien sighed. "And is that a bad thing? Or would you rather have me hold my friendship with him hostage? Because if you think so, then to be fair I ought to do the same for you too. Hold you all hostage. Threaten to end my friendships with all of you if any of you hurt each other. Would that make you happy?" Would it, Tally?

    "No it doesn't, because even if it's hard to change that doesn't mean it's impossible. Just look at Zurg, he changed! He had to change himself, but maybe if someone had been able to help him more and stand beside him in changing, he would have changed faster! ...Though I suppose he had that in Jo, didn't he?" With some gentle nudges, Jo had managed to offer a hand in helping Zurg to help himself, did she not? "We let him do things, yes. What exactly is your point, why do you keep circling around that Tally? Are you ashamed you let him get away with things? Because if so, maybe you should take this over to him. I'm not ashamed that I let him get away with things, I've made my peace with it. And as for why he would...because nobody can just go on killing forever, Tally. Especially here. I already told you that." It was as if they were circling down a drain, getting closer and closer to sinking down into an abyss. Where were they supposed to be going with all of this? So far, any resolution or point of agreement was far away. There was nowhere to agree, no way to stop from slipping into this abyss. The only way to go...was down.

    The look was almost startling, the alien pulling back and blinking at her a few times. Now what was that about? "That's fine, Tally. I told you, I can't ask any differently of you. I told you to do what you feel is right, and this is what you feel is right. I'm not trying to make you stop, I'm trying to make you get off my back. No matter what you say, I will not leave him, just as no matter what I say, I can't make you leave Fear alone. I'm trying to respect your decision, but you don't seem to respect mine. You think you know better, you think you're making the right choice. How many times have I argued with you about going after Fear versus you arguing with me about even being around him?" Kev stepped forward and lobbed a finger in her direction. "Don't give me that look until people come to you, over and over, day after day, at work and in the Sanctuary, to tell you what a bad decision you are making. To put the fate of your own friends on your shoulders, of the entire world. I think I deserve to be frustrated right now." After he had already told her to do what was right, after he had already told her to go after it with all of her heart, after he told her not to hesitate by pitying him, she was going to give him such a venomous look? At no point did he say it was wrong to defend yourself or those you love. "You might back down when they stop killing people, but just try to keep what happened to SIR in mind. Sometimes in this place, the bad will lay down their weapons and people will still attack them. I've learned from that day. Has anyone else?"

    "Are we?

    What. Kev stared at Tally as she spoke, but it was the calm before a brewing storm in his own chest. His own mind. Tally was considering the fact that they should end their friendship, all because they couldn't agree on Fear. All because she wanted to destroy the man he cared for. The man he loved. After everything he had told her, everything he was trying to do to keep the people he cared for and not lose anyone else, here was Tally...ready to just give up. Perhaps it was for Kev's benefit. Because yes, it would be hard to look at Tally again if she were to destroy Fear, banish him from the Gamma, put him down like a dog. The difference was Kev was willing to work past that, to put his own feelings aside because a friendship shouldn't end over something like this, while Tally thought she knew what was best and was ready to give up on this. She wasn't even willing to give Kev the chance to make the decision on his own. All over something that could only possibly happen.

    "But what." Kev walked across the room, coming to a stop right in front of Tally and stared right through her emerald eyes and beyond. "You think you know what's best for me. You said yourself, you apparently pitied me because you were my friend. If that were so, why are you so willing to just give up on us? On me? You want me to be truthful, I'll be truthful!" He raised a hand and lightly prodded Tally in the chest. "It hurts me, every time you are in there with him and you talk about him as if he were a rabid dog. It hurts me that you can kill him tomorrow and not feel any regret about it. It hurts me that you want to take him away from me. But what hurts more is that there are only a handful of people that trust me to make my own decisions. With all the trust I've ever put in you, in Zurg, in Sonia, in Jo, in so many people to do what they feel is best for themselves. I trust you. I trusted all of you! I've put my faith in the wrong people sometimes, yes, but I'm moving past that. I'm putting my trust in the people that matter to me, and you are supposed to be one of them." Kev pulled his hand back, holding it close to his chest and gave Tally a hard look before he turned around, his back to her.

    "But I can't make you stay in a friendship you don't want. If you'd rather cut your losses and go on ahead without me to drag you down, that's fine. Just understand that I've been trying to respect you, and your decisions, and what you need to do for yourself. Even if it hurts me and I can't look at you, pain doesn't last forever. I would be able to look at you again. But if you won't even give me the chance to work to that point, if you can't trust me to make my own decisions and you only want to fight about the same thing for the rest of our friendship, then maybe you're right." His fists curled at his sides, eyes glaring a hole through the wall of the office kitchen. "If you really want to end our friendship right here, right now, and not work through this, then get out of my store." The choice was her's.


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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Tally on Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:14 pm

    "A lot of people are going to die before you ever get a chance to beat him down, does that make you want to stop fighting him?"


    Tally grunted in response, eyes sliding over to take in the wall. He had her there, but that didn't mean she was happy about it. "A lot of people are going to die whether or not I remain his friend." But that doesn't mean that you have to. She wanted to say right back, if she knew, just perhaps had some inkling as to why Kev was so stuck on Fear then maybe she would understand. But she couldn't fathom it. She couldn't see what made the undead so special.

    "I didn't say I was going to stop arguing because it was never going to change, I said I stopped because it was pointless to argue. I didn't have the ability to word it in the way that would change his mind forever but that doesn't mean he'll never stop. He can change because he'll want to. You don't know him like I do, Tally. I know that eventually he'll get sick of this. And is that a bad thing? Or would you rather have me hold my friendship with him hostage? Because if you think so, then to be fair I ought to do the same for you too. Hold you all hostage. Threaten to end my friendships with all of you if any of you hurt each other. Would that make you happy?


    She narrowed her eyes right back, she was tired. Very tired and sick of this now. "I would have preferred it if you didn't go and befriend that guy that runs around in the outer district kiling kids. I would have preferred it if you didn't go befriending the guy who wants my daughter, you, and everyone else I know dead. But we are long past that point so forget it. There was a betrayal there, even if Kev didn't mean to Tally couldn't help that feeling in her. "I don't have any beef with zurg anymore, don't try and turn this around. There's no point in holding that over his head anymore when it's so far in the past but I regret my decisions. Because I was one of the people who let him do that shit. Because I enabled him, and I'll be damned if I enable someone to do horrible things again."

    Her anger was startling, and she watched Kev recoil away from her. "I don't understand yours. I can't it Kev. I don't understand what you could possibly see in someone as horrible as Fear. " She glared down at his finger, her lips curling back like she might bite it off. "You put it there Kev. You're the one that made that choice. You put that weight on you.

    She couldn't vouch for anyone else and she wouldn't. Because what if in the end Fear and Mortis got someone killed? What if they took away someones child or loved one? What if that person wanted vengeance? If Fear or Mortis killed Ttone...


    "But what?


    And then Kev was right up in her face, crossing the room before she even noticed. She bristled and straightened up out of habit and defense, squaring her shoulders, raising her guard as if Kev was about to lash out at her. His finger was back to poking at her chest and she had to lock her arms at her sides to keep herself from smacking it away. She let him say his peace before letting him turn his back to her as well.


    "But I can't make you stay in a friendship you don't want. If you'd rather cut your losses and go on ahead without me to drag you down, that's fine. Just understand that I've been trying to respect you, and your decisions, and what you need to do for yourself. Even if it hurts me and I can't look at you, pain doesn't last forever. I would be able to look at you again. But if you won't even give me the chance to work to that point, if you can't trust me to make my own decisions and you only want to fight about the same thing for the rest of our friendship, then maybe you're right. If you really want to end our friendship right here, right now, and not work through this, then get out of my store."



    "Yeah, because that's what I want." She said finally, her voice more tired than anything, only the smallest traces of bitterness left. She sighed. "I don't understand you anymore, maybe that's my fault." Maybe she couldn't understand him anymore. Rather fatigued she moved past him in the direction of the door, she did not go towards it though, rather continued walking to the far wall where she propped herself up. "I don't know what to do for you Kev, I don't know how to understand you...I don't know..." She trailed off, continuing to stare at the wall.
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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Kev on Wed Sep 23, 2015 9:47 pm

    When Kev had spun the situation right back at her, all he received in response was a grunt. Well, it was obviously the closest he was going to get to an agreement on this topic... Tally's eyes were averted to the wall instead, and Kev crossed his arms over his chest. He continued to look at her, almost scrutinizing. Kev had brought up a good point, and her only response was to grunt. Perhaps she was tired, and upset...Kev would certainly know what that felt like. The alien sighed to himself, leaning his weight upon on hip. Tally did respond to another point though, namely the idea of holding everyone's friendship hostage in order to keep the peace. Kev did not want to do that, because it was wrong. Tally was free to attack Fear, Fear was free to retaliate, why couldn't Kev be free to make his own choices?

    He couldn't help a small scoff. "I wish people would forget it, but obviously they don't." They were well past that point before Tally had come into the store, so why did she want to forget about it now, only to continue arguing about it? The alien reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. I didn't exactly decide to go and befriend him. It just happened. I've made friends with worse people than Fear, and never got a response like this. You know me Tally, and I always give people a chance." There were a lot of people that Kev would have preferred to have never befriended. Fear was not and would never be one of them. Tally spoke again, and as she did the alien rose a brow at her. "I didn't 'turn it around' on you, Tally. You kept mentioning Zurg, even after I agreed with you about the situation, or when we moved on from it. Zurg did bad things, we could have done more about it, and we didn't. That's it. And no one is asking you to enable Fear's actions, Tally. You may say you don't have a beef anymore with Zurg but you certainly have something if you want to make up for the past by projecting all over Fear like this. You have regrets, I get it, but you have to let regrets go, eventually. Trust me, it won't do well to beat yourself up over your mistakes again and again and go after people in some misguided attempt to make up for the past." Kev was firm, resolute. Unmoving, and in his tone he carried some pity for her now. Even if Tally struck Fear down and obliterated him from the Breach forever, would her guilt over enabling Zurg go away? Or would she find more people that she thought others were enabling, and erase them from the Breach too? An endless cycle...

    Tally wrote:"I don't understand yours. I can't it Kev. I don't understand what you could possibly see in someone as horrible as Fear. You put it there Kev. You're the one that made that choice. You put that weight on you."

    Her glare made Kev's own harden even more, his scales bristling in indignation. For a moment, he wished he had a mouth of his own to match her scowl. Pure anger and indignation roiled within his chest, though he no longer felt the urge to burn something upon feeling this way. He only glared daggers at her as she spoke, the look in his eyes rather venomous. As if she had insulted him to his very core. The finger was pulled away, not quite fond of possibly being bitten, and he folded his arms behind his back as he leaned ever so slightly forward. "You want to know what I see in Fear, do you...?" Kev hissed, letting the rhetorical question hang in the air for but a moment. "I see the only person who has helped me. The only one who could see into my head and know that I wasn't okay. Whether the rest of you saw through my false assurances and  lies or not, Fear was the only one who confronted me about it. He could see everything. And I know, that it was partially my fault. When I was friends with Kefka, I came to him about everything. My guilt over the Phazon crisis, my guilt over accidentally killing Nyreena a couple of years ago, even my doubts about Megamind. I went to him, he made me feel safe and then he disappeared. And I felt like it was my fault, because I went to him with all my problems. I kept everything in, and it didn't help that others were hurting too. I felt that it was more important for me to take care of my friends, rather than myself. It was Fear who confronted me, it was Fear who walked me through my trauma, and it was Fear who helped me to finally let it all go. To come out the other side a stronger person."

    He stepped back, gaze intense as he continued. "I don't have nightmares about being infected with Phazon anymore. I don't have nightmares about dying. I don't have nightmares about Alpha. I don't have nightmares about all of my friends disappearing at once and leaving me alone on this planet with strangers. I've finally found someone who's there for me, who helps me, supports me... And you know what? Maybe I did put this weight on myself. I made the choice to stick with him. But my other was to eventually crack. And while you are here now to argue about this, would you even be here if it wasn't for my friendship with him?" Kev put himself in this position, but it was people like Tally who came in to put even more weight upon him, as if he had never even considered the possibilities of what could happen. Added pressure, when he could have used it many, many months ago.

    When Kev had crossed the room, really jabbing that finger into her chest now, Tally had locked up tight. Her guard was raised, and she looked more like someone preparing to fight instead of someone who was having an argument with a friend. At least she let him speak, and speak he did. If she wanted to pull that card, he was going to lay down the law and lay it straight. His back was turned, and now it was her turn to respond. Tally's turn to make a decision.

    Tally wrote: "I don't understand you anymore, maybe that's my fault."

    ...What? Kev peeked over a shoulder, though it was useless as she moved past him at the same time. The brown haired woman walked to the door, and his breath hitched...and she walked past it. He breathed out, watching her with a tilted head as she leaned on the wall, staring into the wallpaper. "...I don't understand you either. I may have changed, but I haven't changed that much. I'm still Kev. I'm still loyal to the people I care about. Fear just happens to be one of them now. And so are you. I'm not doing anything I haven't done since the moment I came here." Befriending monsters, befriending people that were evil...it was not new. The alien sighed softly, walking to the table to lean his weight on it, looking at the back of Tally's messy hair. "You don't want to stop being friends...but if you can't understand me and I can't understand you...how are we supposed to be friends...?" He sighed, and reached up to massage his temples. This was endless, at this point neither would back down. "We're not getting anywhere with this. I'm tired, you're tired. I'm angry, you're angry. If we're not going to change each other's minds, there's no use arguing. This discussion is over."


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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Tally on Sun Oct 04, 2015 10:41 pm

    Yes he'd certainly turned that right round. Like a record baby. Had it not been against her she might have been impressed at just how far he had come in terms of setting forth his side of the arguement. However given the circumstances she merely grunted, concedeing the point to him. He was right.  

    "You know me Tally, and I always give people a chance."


    Yes she did know him. But that doesn't mean everyone should get a chance. She wanted to tell him. There were sometimes just bad people, like Daemeon, who just did horrible things for the fun of it. There were people that just wouln't change, shouldn't even be given a chance because they were poisonous. There were people who just wouldn't bend no matter how much you tried.

    No the Irony was not lost on her.

    "I didn't 'turn it around' on you, Tally. You kept mentioning Zurg, even after I agreed with you about the situation, or when we moved on from it. Zurg did bad things, we could have done more about it, and we didn't. That's it. And no one is asking you to enable Fear's actions, Tally. You may say you don't have a beef anymore with Zurg but you certainly have something if you want to make up for the past by projecting all over Fear like this. You have regrets, I get it, but you have to let regrets go, eventually. Trust me, it won't do well to beat yourself up over your mistakes again and again and go after people in some misguided attempt to make up for the past."


    "I brought him up because it's a good example. I don't have regrets, this isn't something that keeps me up at night, this isn't something that haunts me." She told him, calmer than before. "This isn't some hope for redemption because I think I failed in the past, this is just me, taking what i've learned and applying it. And what I've learned is that friendship can make you blind, it can make you turn away and refuse to speak up. I learned that I could let it do that, and I've learned what happens when you do. Bias is what happens when you do, half of the people on Portal Breach probably hadn't attacked Fear because of his friendship with Kev. Even if the alien declared it was okay until his eyeballs popped out of his sockets no one was ever going to just go off and do it. Even she had reservations about it.


    She kept quiet, letting him say his peace again. Though he didn't do it, she couldn't help but wonder if he wanted to throw accusations at her. Put the blame on her. She hadn't helped him after all. She hadn't known any of this. Nightmares? Guilt? Fear? None of this had ever been brought to her. She'd never known how he was suffering. She wasn't a mindreader. But did that really matter? Fear had managed to get it out or Kev, literally pulling it out of him and making him face it in a way no one else could. He'd saved him. He'd [/b]helped[/b] him.

    "And while you are here now to argue about this, would you even be here if it wasn't for my friendship with him?"


    "Of course I would be, I never wasn't. My life was busy Kev but I never left, she had a kid, a job. She couldn't come into the sanctuary anymore like she use to and she wasn't the only one. Zurg was busy, Jo was busy, Aya was busy. Lots of people were busy with their lives and didn't have a lot of time to go into the Sanctuary. But that didn't mean that they weren't there. That didn't mean that their doors weren't open. Kev could have sought any one of them out to talk but he didn't. He chose to keep it inside and bury it until it hurt him.

    He wasn't outright blaming any of them. But it was still there, that none of them had been the ones to help him.

    But how could they have?

    "Just because I didn't go into the Sanctuary, still don't, doesn't mean that I wouldn't have been here and now." Why was it that no one ever seemed to talk outside that place?

    She stared at the wall now, not budging but not looking at the alien either. She could hear the weariness in his voice and could feel it echoing in her bones.

    "...I don't understand you either. I may have changed, but I haven't changed that much. I'm still Kev. I'm still loyal to the people I care about. Fear just happens to be one of them now. And so are you. I'm not doing anything I haven't done since the moment I came here."

    "You don't want to stop being friends...but if you can't understand me and I can't understand you...how are we supposed to be friends...?"

    "We're not getting anywhere with this. I'm tired, you're tired. I'm angry, you're angry. If we're not going to change each other's minds, there's no use arguing. This discussion is over."



    She sighed. A part of her wanted to say "exactly! this is what I was talking about! this is why I'm saying maybe it's better that we aren't!" But it was small, and quiet and muffled under the fatigue that was setting into her bones. She understood a bit more now, as to exactly why Kev was this way. "I wish you'd have talked to us. I wish things hadn't been so that you felt that you couldn't."  Though couldn't shake the feeling that perhaps there was more. And wishes were made of stardust and certainly didn't make the world go round

    The look on his face...

    She closed her eyes and saw hands reaching for her. What it must be like to have a fear of confiding in others...To believe that you might be the cause for someone leaving.

    "He helped you." She said it more for herself than him. She had to reaffirm it in some way, burn it in her, try and wrap her head around why this was so important to him.
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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Kev on Mon Oct 05, 2015 7:44 am

    "Zurg is a good example, and for more than just a lesson on 'when to step in on your friend's business'. As valuable as that lesson is, there is so much more to learn. Like how people can change. And...that fear can also make you blind. I'm taking what I have learned, and I'm applying it too, by hearing Fear out and giving him a chance." So long as he lived, Kev would do what he could to make sure he never repeated the mistake he had made with SIR. That mistake had been disastrous. "I don't refuse to speak up with Fear, I do still speak up if I think he is doing something wrong. Do you really think it was just your friendship with Zurg that prevented you from speaking up? Because I will admit that I wanted Dani to suffer, and I wouldn't raise a single hand against Zurg to stop him. Even if it had been for the best." It was still a form of bias, granted. But, it couldn't have been just friendship that stayed the hand of people regarding Zurg. "Besides, I have spoken up plenty of times against my friends, and usually gotten nowhere because they were too stubborn to listen." Hint, hint. "When you get to that point, what else is there to do but to be ignored and watch things happen?"

    "Of course I would be, I never wasn't. My life was busy Kev but I never left,"

    The alien let out a brief sigh, eyes falling to the wooden floor. His body seemed to sag, though he did raise a hand to gesture down at the very foundation upon which they stood. "I mean here. You, right here, right now. In my store. Talking to me. If it wasn't for my friendship with him, would you even be in my shop? Would you have visited me at work if it weren't for your...feelings, about him and I?" All these years, and the thing that drew her in for a visit was to talk at length about Fear and how she couldn't understand why Kev had gotten close to him. Kev lifted his gaze to her again, and this time he looked sad, rather than angry. The anger was still there, still insulted to the core, but this was...saddening. Tally's life was a busy one, as was the life of many people. "I'm busy, you're busy, Fear's busy...we're all busy, Tally... But, Aya and Zurg and Jo still make time for me. Fear makes time for me. And I make time for all of them. I've even made time for Sonia. You don't have to come to the Sanctuary every day. And I'm not saying that my friends should have instantly known I was hurting. You guys did what you could...and I am grateful. But you wanted to know what I saw in him, and I told you. He helped me. Still helps me. I feel...better, now. I don't feel so fragile. And he helped me feel that way..." Kev's tone turned wistful, but only for a moment before the alien straightened himself up.

    "You don't have to come into the Sanctuary for me, Tally, but I have noticed that you came in there...pretty often last year. I know this, because a lot of the time when you came in, we had this same talk. I understand that your life is busy, and I will never blame you for that, but I can't help but notice that you only seem to make room to talk to me like this, to argue about Fear." It was...disheartening, to experience such resistance from Tally, again and again. To fight her on this every time, but this time he would not give up and open a bottle of vodka. Instead, Kev would continue to argue his point, put his foot down. "You all are busy because you have made lives for yourself now. Zurg and Jo have each other, you have Ttone...Aya has her work. I've finally made a life for myself...something that is more than an empty cottage. You don't have to understand it, or even accept it, but stop...stop fighting me over this. I don't even know what you want..." Did she wish for Kev to drop the Judge like a bad habit? Was that really all she wanted, all these months? For him to just...leave Fear? His voice seemed to crack for a moment, and the alien stepped back until his own back was against the wall. Kev stared across the way at her, feeling too conflicted to do anything other than to listen.

    "It is awful that things became the way they did...I regret not telling you all how I felt. I know that I could have prevented this by just...telling you. Telling Zurg more. Some doors were offered to me but...I-I felt... I felt like an outsider. I felt like some...stupid, awful little creature that couldn't move on. I imagined telling you all how I felt, and receiving these...disparaging looks. I thought maybe...you'd all be fed up with it. With me. Like I felt...when Megamind and 5 kept coming to me about their problems. I thought I'd be like them...I didn't want to be like them. I'd do anything to not be like them, to make sure I never used anyone the way they used me...even if I hurt myself to do it." The alien looked down, staring at his own hands with a very cool look in his eyes even as his tone belayed some vulnerability. Kev scanned his own hands, as if sizing himself up. Remembering how he had felt, this time last year...it was both foreign and familiar. Too familiar...it felt horrible and toxic. Awful, and scary...as though he were sinking into an abyss and too stubborn to climb out or ask for help. The alien gave a brief shiver, waving the feelings off and dropping his hands back to his sides.

    "But wishes are just wishes, in the end. I don't feel that way anymore. I feel lighter, and at ease." Or, well, he did until this conversation had taken the turn it had. Hands clasped behind his back yet again, taking a posture that was similar to a grunt at ease. Kev stared back at Tally, head tilted as she repeated what he had said about Fear. But why...? "Yes...he helped me. He still helps me. I'm lucky to have him...as a friend. Even if it puts me at odds with my other friends, even if he is a murderer, even if he will kill everyone on the Gamma. He is worth it." Fear would never be a regret... "I know you don't think he is, and I know you don't want to even think of how he could change. You aren't willing to trust me if you think Ttone will be in danger. I understand that, because I can't guarantee her safety. But I can't keep doing this with you, Tally. We're locked in a circle. I won't leave Fear, you won't trust me or listen to me. I don't want to lose you over this, Tally. But I don't know what we are if you can't even trust me to make my own decisions. You aren't giving me any other choice..."

    Tally was unwilling to end their friendship when given the choice, but if their friendship was going to be this unproductive cycle until the end of their days, would it even be worth it? Unwilling to end it, yet unwilling to bend and understand...unwilling to let it go. Tally was bound and determined, and there were only two options that seemed to be given. End their friendship, or say good bye and have the same song and dance the next time they meet. It was maddening...neither option was what he wanted, nor what felt right. Seems it was time to take a third option. Kev looked at the back of Tally's head, staring deeply into her brown curls. "Why does this bother you so much? It has bothered other people, but they have let it go or moved on from it. But you are still stuck on the fact that I'm close to Fear. Why?"


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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Tally on Wed Oct 21, 2015 5:40 pm

    "Zurg is a good example, and for more than just a lesson on 'when to step in on your friend's business'. As valuable as that lesson is, there is so much more to learn. Like how people can change. And...that fear can also make you blind. I'm taking what I have learned, and I'm applying it too, by hearing Fear out and giving him a chance."


    She wanted to sigh. They were arguing in circles but what else could be done? They both had made their decicions and were sticking to them and Tally was honestly beginning to doubt that things could turn out nearly as well as she had hoped they could.

    "I don't refuse to speak up with Fear, I do still speak up if I think he is doing something wrong. Do you really think it was just your friendship with Zurg that prevented you from speaking up? Because I will admit that I wanted Dani to suffer, and I wouldn't raise a single hand against Zurg to stop him. Even if it had been for the best."


    Her head snapped up sharply. "Yes, it was. I never knew about Dani until after it was over. Tally hadn't really known the girl, hadn't really associated enough with her to allow Dani the opportunity to get on her bad side. That being said she also couldn't say that Zurg was entirely in the wrong for killing the girl after the mess she had caused. But...the way it had been done? A challenge, a fight to the death, that was her way of doing things.

    But she and Zurg were two very different people at times...

    "Besides, I have spoken up plenty of times against my friends, and usually gotten nowhere because they were too stubborn to listen."

    Tally could have sworn she heard a hint hint in there.

    "When you get to that point, what else is there to do but to be ignored and watch things happen?"

    Was that another hint hint? Maybe?

    "I mean here. You, right here, right now. In my store. Talking to me. If it wasn't for my friendship with him, would you even be in my shop? Would you have visited me at work if it weren't for your...feelings, about him and I?"



    "Of course I would be, don't you visit me?" Actually...did he? Tally tried to think of the last time that Kev came to see her at all just to say hi. She coudln't remember...nothing recent that was for sure, nothing even before this whole mess with Fear had started. Of course, she hadn't gone to see him either...life got busy. She didn't blame him if he had more important things to take care of. She certainly had priorities after all.

    Like he was saying himself, they were all busy..

    "I've been there for you plenty of times in the past, I've hung out with you tons before we all started to get busy. Maybe the reason I've been talking to you about Fear every time I see you is because I don't get it Kev."

    Honestly, Fear for her had just shown up one day. He'd been a pain and something to avoid and she had done just that. She hadn't even really taken issue with him until the whole business with the wonderland ripoff went down. He and his brother just constantly fighting with Crowley, he and his brother OBVIOUSLY being up to no good, even though none of them had been able to prove it. The way that neither of them seemed to even give a shit abotu anything. HER DEATH. THEM SABATOGING THE GROUP. All in the name of their "Justice". Everything, everything that they had done had only cemented them as a serious threat.

    ...But then when she had tried to come back, to go back into the Sanctuary and he was there and with Kev, and they were all buddy buddy and Fear was still threatening to kill all of them.

    It boggled her mind!

    "You don't have to understand it, or even accept it, but stop...stop fighting me over this. I don't even know what you want..."



    "I want-"
    Safety. For Ttone to be able to grow up unafraid of a world that might explode. To not have to be afraid that one day she was going to fail as a mother and a human being and be unable to protect a kid that wasn't even hers. For people to be happy!

    Only that last one wasn't really possible, was it?

    "I just want people to be safe Kev," She finally said, resigned and tired. His next few words though kindled what little anger in her was left. How could he have possibly thought those things about himself? He was a lot of things, too trusting, too nice, but a burden?

    "You are nothing like those two. You could never be anything like them. Those two...pushed everything that bothered them onto you, that's not what friends do. You turned around and kept everything inside just to keep from hurting us. How could you possibly ever be like them? How could any of us ever possibly get fed up with you?" But he had thought like that anyways...and Fear had helped him. Tallys mind was practically warping itself backwards in an attempt to TRY and put herself in Kevs shoes. To TRY and understand what that must have felt like, to believe that he might have been a burden. To have all that weight on a your shoulders and then to have someone lift it off when no one else could.

    She tried...

    She tried.....

    Her head was killing her.


    Even if it puts me at odds with my other friends, even if he is a murderer, even if he will kill everyone on the Gamma. He is worth it. I know you don't think he is, and I know you don't want to even think of how he could change. You aren't willing to trust me if you think Ttone will be in danger. I understand that, because I can't guarantee her safety. But I can't keep doing this with you, Tally. We're locked in a circle. I won't leave Fear, you won't trust me or listen to me. I don't want to lose you over this, Tally. But I don't know what we are if you can't even trust me to make my own decisions. You aren't giving me any other choice..."

    Ah, but now it seemed that he was going to be singing a different tune. For someone who had so quickly railed against her decision at first, who had said that SHE wasn't willing to work towards their friendship. NOW he was wanting to change his mind.


    "Why does this bother you so much? It has bothered other people, but they have let it go or moved on from it. But you are still stuck on the fact that I'm close to Fear. Why?"

    WHY?

    "Him and his brother are going to try and kill everyone. You've been here nearly as long as I have...how can you not understand how that would feel? This is all any of us have left. Everything we've built, every person that matters is here. There's no leaving-"She trailed off and looked away. "Well that's wrong, I guess technically there is leaving.." At a request to X, but after all the work she had done, after all the years she had spent. Was grabbing Ttone and bolting for the next safest gamma REALLY something she should do? "He and his brother could really get someone hurt, permanently hurt. And they don't care...because they don't care about anyone except themselves and you and livewire. To them, everyone else should have never even been born. To them we don't have the right to live, I don't have the right to live. Ttone should be dead."
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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Kev on Wed Oct 21, 2015 11:52 pm

    So friendship was the only thing that stayed Tally's hand against Zurg? Admittedly, Tally insisted she didn't know about  Dani and indeed, that whole thing had been a secret, only revealed later down the line. "And what about all of his other 'awful' deeds? Did you still not know about the people involved, or was that just friendship too?" Friendship had stayed Kev's own hand numerous times, so it wasn't like the concept was new...still, the alien's eyes roamed over Tally as he calculated his response. "I still don't understand how you trying not to stand down just because you're friends with someone translates out to you speaking out against my choice in friends so much. I'm not asking you to stand down, merely accept it and move on." Tally was not supposed to bow her curly head and stare into the dirt as Judge Fear murdered people, that would be awful. But he also didn't appreciate getting the same song and dance about what a bad guy Judge Fear is and how dare you get close to him and what were you thinking Kev. Kev reached a hand up and rubbed the bridge of his nose lightly.

    "Occasionally..." For seeds, plants, sometimes advice, though it had admitted been a while. They were busy, they had things to do. And yet he felt unsure about her answer, and it only intensified as she went on. "Do you not get how that feels? We're friends, but the only time you seem to have for me nowadays is to bother me about Fear. If you don't get it by now, when even Sonia gets it...! Then you probably never will. And I don't want to live the rest of my life, bracing myself for every time I see you because you'll take out your sword and sharpen it while telling me you don't understand why I like Fear. I can't live like that, and I don't know why you'd want to live like that either. Even if I don't talk to you so much anymore, at least I don't only ever talk about some...choice you've made that I don't agree with. It's tiring..." Especially when it came at the tail end of the alien finally feeling secure, finally feeling as if he and Fear were safe. They had to be, right? Sonia wasn't hurting, Tally seemed okay with it...

    Of course, Tally was only okay with it for Sonia's sake. Not for Kev's, but Sonia's. She couldn't bear to compromise her morals for Kev, but she'd do it in an instant for Sonia. Kev wasn't worth that effort, as much as it was effort he didn't want. It just hurt that he finally felt safe and now...

    "I want people to be safe too, Tally." His own response was just as tired, as well as sad. Because Kev and Tally were on the same side, in that extent. The scaly alien didn't want to bring down a storm upon their friends, he didn't want everyone to die. He merely accepted that he could not control them, or Fear. Kev couldn't control the Breach. Kev was powerless to stop everything, powerless to keep those he loved safe in every way besides his own Kevvy way. And dammit, he was going to do what he could actually do, and if that meant showing Fear another path while fighting against him when he dropped the nukes, so be it.

    Nothing like them...yes, Kev was nothing like the two of them. This, he could now see and understand. But at the time...the way the three of them seemed to click, the superficial ways they were similar...and nobody was ever born an abuser. "I thought if I was...too negative, too much of a downer, I thought...I thought..." How many times had Blade's alcoholic binges and crying irked him, even as he comforted the man? How many times had 5's crippling lack of worth lead to Kev patting him on the back and assuring him that he wasn't useless, even though evidence said otherwise? How many times had Megamind turned to Kev for support, offering only the bare minimum in response? So much effort and time had been wasted... "At the time, it seemed so logical. I thought I could handle it all on my own. I was a coward." So scared of losing anyone else, he'd rather hurt himself than hurt anyone else and lose them. It was the most cowardly thing he had eve done. But, Kev remembered that even during all of this, Tally had assured him that his past thoughts were wrong, and the alien turned back to her and gave her a nod. "Thank you. I know now, that I'm nothing like them." Perhaps there was hope yet, for the two of them?

    Yet that hoped seemed to sink, as the alien asked his question. He was beginning to feel like a cow being herded into a stall, and that stall said 'end our friendship' on it. Tally was unwilling to end it, but it felt as if she wanted him to end it. Because she couldn't, and she wanted an out, just like Sonia did. It didn't work with Sonia and it wouldn't work with him, which is why he had changed gears to finally get clarity from Tally.

    There was none to be had. Kev let out a frustrated sigh, and a hand reached out to grasp the back of a wooden chair. His fingers dug into the wood lightly as he stared back at her. The Judges were going to kill people, the Judges wanted everyone dead. It was a worrying though, he knew, but why was she stuck on it still? Like a snake eating its own tail! His fingers tensed against the wood again. "We all know what Ridley is capable of. We all saw it first-hand. Nobody said anything to Kefka about how he regarded Ridley as a friend. I understand how that feels because I know what it's like to see someone who care about get close to someone that hurt you. But you can't control what people do, they make their own choices. Let me live with this choice. You have come too late, and you cannot change this course. Defend Ttone if you have to, defend yourself, but you are getting nowhere by talking to me like this. I'm allowed to befriend whoever I want and that is that. You are within your rights to befriend whoever you want, as is everyone on the Breach! Or is that a freedom I'm just not allowed?" His tone turned venomous and striking, hitting his limit with this discussion. Almost as soon as the spiteful words came out, it was followed by a sigh. Kev's fingers relaxed and he leaned on the chair instead.

    "Tally..." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "...I still want to be your friend. But I think we should part ways. Not...permanently, or even temporarily. I mean regarding...this conversation. I'm not getting anywhere, you're not getting anywhere. At this point we're just locked in a battle that no one is going to win. We should just...separate and go our separate ways. Before we say something we don't mean to. Emotions are heated and...I don't see this ending well. I just don't. I only see us hurting each other in some way. So...let's just...calm down. Collect our thoughts. Come back at this later... I still have a lunch break to have. I'm sure you do, too." And Gods, could he use some water right about now...or perhaps some vodka.


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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Tally on Tue Nov 03, 2015 5:35 pm

    "Of course I didn't know about the people involved, it wasn't like Zurg was the type to go talking about those plans where other people could hear him." It was always friendship that had stayed her hand when it came to Zurg. Hell, his tournament had gotten her killed and she hadn't held a grudge against him. There had been points in the past where he had straight up been...kind of a dick actually. But he was Zurg! He was cool and charismatic and she'd just...rolled with it. Willing to look past anything bad he'd actually done and forgive him because he was her friend.

    "Merely accept it and move on."

    I'm honestly just about to. She wanted to say, she wanted to spit in his face. Kev was frustrating, these past few months were frustrating. THIS was frustrating. All they could do was talk in circles and she was sick of it.

    "Do you not get how that feels? We're friends, but the only time you seem to have for me nowadays is to bother me about Fear. If you don't get it by now, when even Sonia gets it...! Then you probably never will. And I don't want to live the rest of my life, bracing myself for every time I see you because you'll take out your sword and sharpen it while telling me you don't understand why I like Fear. I can't live like that, and I don't know why you'd want to live like that either. Even if I don't talk to you so much anymore, at least I don't only ever talk about some...choice you've made that I don't agree with. It's tiring..."


    Maybe because she never gave him reasons to talk constantly about one choice she'd made. Maybe because she never went out and made friends with people that wanted to get them all killed!


    Tall kept quiet, kept her mouth shut. As upsetting as this all was she knew that if she really let her temper go it'd completely ruin everything. She'd...she wasn't sure what she'd do. All that time she spent keeping her mouth shut for Sonia, all the times she'd turned a blind eye, not causing shit, not talking about shit, letting it bottle up because her best friend looked like she was about to break. But she couldn't stay quiet anymore, and now they were here.

    "I want people to be safe too, Tally."

    A long pause of silence, "I know you do Kev." Was all she said. Of course he did. Of course he did.

    "I thought if I was...too negative, too much of a downer, I thought...I thought..."

    "....You never would have been" He already knew that of course, but what was she suppose to do? Not say it? Let that doubt linger in his mind and maybe grow into something else? Even if he already knew she HAD to say it. Because it was true, Kev never would have been a downer, or something that they tried to get rid of. He never would have been a burden.

    But even having said all that, everything was still spiraling, the fatigue in the air was nearly physical. It weighed heavily on her shoulders and back, the oppressive atmosphere making it hard to breathe. They were spiraling...

    "I understand how that feels because I know what it's like to see someone who care about get close to someone that hurt you. But you can't control what people do, they make their own choices. Let me live with this choice. You have come too late, and you cannot change this course. Defend Ttone if you have to, defend yourself, but you are getting nowhere by talking to me like this. I'm allowed to befriend whoever I want and that is that. You are within your rights to befriend whoever you want, as is everyone on the Breach! Or is that a freedom I'm just not allowed?"

    ....

    "...I still want to be your friend. But I think we should part ways. Not...permanently, or even temporarily. I mean regarding...this conversation. I'm not getting anywhere, you're not getting anywhere. At this point we're just locked in a battle that no one is going to win. We should just...separate and go our separate ways. Before we say something we don't mean to. Emotions are heated and...I don't see this ending well. I just don't. I only see us hurting each other in some way. So...let's just...calm down. Collect our thoughts. Come back at this later... I still have a lunch break to have. I'm sure you do, too."

    A pause, and then a nod. "I think you're right," She made a move towards the door, pausing once more before opening it. "I'll see you around Kev," she said and walked out, leaving the alien alone at last.

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    Re: Long overdue discussion

    Post by Kev on Wed Nov 04, 2015 3:45 pm

    "The hit on Dani had been agreed on in the Sanctuary, the attack on the Police was as public as it could get, and I don't think Carrie allowed anyone to forget that Zurg had attacked her lab. All of that, and the tournament, are the only things I could think of that you could be talking about. So unless he did some secret things that you know of and I don't..." The alien sighed, folding in on himself at the middle before staring back at her. Why...why was this so hard? Why was it so hard for her to understand? Why was this happening? Back for only a month, and it was already back to the same old thing. As though Kev had hopped back onto a hamster wheel that would never stop turning. Again and again and again. Nothing Kev could say would change her mind, so why had she come?! "So you let Zurg get away with things because he was your friend, and you don't want to make that mistake again. Alright, I can respect that. But I'm not Zurg. I wish people would stop acting like...like what I have with Fear is immediately a death sentence, or some sort of evidence that the world is going to end. The deeds he may do in his everyday life have nothing to do with my relationship with him." The two were separate things, especially since what they had now meant that Kev got to see a side of Fear that other people seldom did. Only Livewire knew about this side to him, because Fear wasn't the mass-murdering Judge when he was with the two of them. He was just...Fear.

    Tally was quiet this time, perhaps holding her tongue. Whether it was to hear him out or to keep from saying things she would regret, Kev did not know. Tally wasn't happy, that was for sure, and the quiet wasn't contemplative. She still didn't understand. She just seemed...upset. The alien sighed lightly, before he continued what was likely to be his last attempt to make her understand, for now. She knew that Kev wanted people to be safe, did she...? Kev regarded her with tired eyes, attempting to dissect the words and see if they were true. Did Tally really understand that he wanted to keep people safe...? The brown haired woman had said herself, she didn't understand Kev. Protecting those he loved felt like a giant pillar, one of the biggest foundations to his sense of self. Kev's instinct to protect people and keep them safe was one of the main motivators for many of his actions. His death at the hands of Mr. Dark, the reason he took part in the game of Hide and Seek, becoming infected with Phazon and even his eventual death in the mines...Kev had tired of fighting, tired of living...and he didn't want to hurt anyone. The people in the mines may never understand just how close...how much the alien had wanted to kill them...!

    Even this deal with Fear...it had been fueled by revenge, but also the desire to protect. If Tally really didn't understand something that was so vital to him, something he had killed and died repeatedly for...then she really didn't understand him at all.

    One of his hands grasped an elbow, giving it a squeeze as he absorbed her response. Never...Kev never would have been a burden. Never would have been too much of a downer. Never would have asked too much of his friends when he was in need... Never would have become like Megamind. There was some relief, to hear it come from someone like Tally, who had not been present for his training sessions and could not see into his mind. Tally was a human, and she could not see into Kev's mind, see all of the possibilities and ways he could have turned out like Megamind like Kev himself used to. Tally was without that bias, and though she was reassuring him with something he already knew...sometimes it was good to have that reinforcement. "Thank you..."

    And yet, though she could offer words of comfort and concern, could make him feel better about that, their spiraling continued. This time it was Kev who was spiraling, caught up in his anger and frustration. The injustice of it all, and the bitterness that others could befriend people who had blatantly harmed Kev himself, yet Kev kept his mouth shut. Out of respect, Kev kept his mouth shut and respected their wishes. Yet when the time came for the same respect to be held back... His fingers furled tensely, even as he calmed himself back down and spoke again, more tired this time. Kev offered to her an out, offered them both an out. Because they so desperately needed it. There was nowhere else for them to go, and this was getting them nowhere.

    With few words spoken, Tally agreed to what he had said, and left. Kev managed a shaky nod back to her as she made her way out of the little kitchen area. Past the beaded curtains and down the stairs, back to the main area of the store. Kev waited, stiff as a board, waiting until he heard her leave out the front door, before he seemed to crumple. He gasped out, having held his breath while she left, and released the chair, falling down upon his knees to the linoleum. The room seemed to clear, as if he had opened a window and let some air in. And yet...the alien still felt shaky. His hands quivered, and the alien leaned his head forward to rest his forehead against the back of the white chair that had been like his crutch. His lids slid shut, insides swirling with indecision, lingering frustration and bitterness. There was also some regret, and sorrow...sorrow for how things had gone. For how distant the two of them had seemed to become. Over what...? Because of who he got close to? People got close to the wrong people all the time, and yet Fear was the bad one. Fear was the last straw. Fear was the one who needed to be wiped out, obliterated, demolished...

    As much as he wanted something to drink right now, the alien was far too overloaded and exhausted at the moment. Water would simply have to wait.


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."

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    Re: Long overdue discussion

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      Current date/time is Mon Nov 12, 2018 9:43 pm