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    Wanted: Robotic Fool Who Can Bake

    Minion
    Minion
    Gigabyte

    Gigabyte

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    Join date : 2010-09-26
    Location : The Inn, Room 344
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    Post by Minion on Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:41 am

    Time: Noon
    Date: May 15, 0010

    Day number two of waiting for possible applicants! With his hologram activated and in place, Mitchell Finnley was seated behind the counter with a cheery grin on his face. A white button up shirt and a pair of slacks that looked freshly ironed, all part of the disguise for him. On the counter top laid the wrinkly cat Cleo, seated atop a purple cat pillow with her name embroidered onto it with cream color thread. He wriggled his fingers in front of her pink nose, and she batted at them playfully. Minion smiled and cooed at her. "You got me Cleo, yeah~! You're so smart, yes you are~!" After a bit more of this game, the lazy feline stretched back across her pillow as if she were a queen to be waited on. Minion obliged by giving her a light rub behind those goblin ears.

    So far, the bakery had been quite empty. Because the shop was not truly open yet, there were no customers. The 'help wanted, see inside for details' sign on the front door helped to communicate that they were willing to hire people on, but there hadn't been any takers yet. The alien fish remained steadfast however. It had only been a couple of days! Surely someone would apply sooner rather than later. Until then, Minion kept the place dutifully swept and cared for, smelling lightly of cleaning products as the tables and floors sparkled as if they were brand new. Had to put on a great impression for the applicants after all! The lighting was low, like mood lighting. The fish hummed softly, and smiled down at his pet. "We'll have some visitors soon, Cleo. And then your special bakery will be open for business!"

    Wonder what sort of people would apply? A doting old lady who had experience baking goodies for her grandkids? A young teenager who always loved to bake cakes? A young man with a passion for cookies? Perhaps even another alien...? That'd be quite nice. No matter who applied, Minion had plans to 'come out' as it were. A good way to start being more open and honest about who he even was, would be to start with those who work with him! Then he could start opening up to the citizens at large. No matter who they were, gender, species, anything else, Minion would be elated just to work alongside someone! At his dream business at that! He sighed dreamily, and turned towards the glass doors expectantly as if somebody could waltz in at any moment...!
    Scaramouche
    Scaramouche
    Terabyte

    Terabyte

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    Age : 33
    Location : Anywhere the wind blows, babe!
    Level : 17

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    Post by Scaramouche on Mon Jun 17, 2019 8:08 am

    Robotic fool who can bake...!? Them's fighting words, they is! But not entirely untrue, so you're off the hook... Heh heh~!

    Cheeky thread title aside, Scaramouche felt abso-doodly-lootly on cloud nine and there wasn't nothing that could kick the enthusiastic android down. If he got the job, great! If not, that was also great! Seriously, the robot just wanted to meet this 'Mitchell Finnley' and hobnob (read: annoy) with him. Who was this man with a plan, and what goods did he intend to serve to the hardworking people of Portal City? So many questions, so little time! Speaking of which, the interview was at noon, on the dot, and it never spoke highly arriving late. Step on it, baby, step on it!

    Dressed to impress, the android had decided to keep it fairly low-key (for his standards, anyway) and wore a simple but professional ensemble: sky-blue dress shirt, sharply-pressed and with sleeves rolled up; dark navy-blue slacks, fitted and ironed to perfection; a pair of burgundy dress shoes - which may or may not be feminine in appearance, but that was par for the course when you look this good in heels; and, last but not least, something quintessentially Scaramouche: a lil' neckerchief fashioned into a side knot! No complementary hat or tie to really pop things off this time around, however; there's formal and then there's formal, and Scaramouche had a 'rising' suspicion that a baker would appreciate a tidy but modest appearance over that of something more... hm, obnoxiously pretentious. It sure felt surreal walking around without some form of head accessory, though! Maybe he just didn't like feeling bald... Was that a thing? A hairless robot disturbed by the nakedness of his own polished dome?

    "Eh...! Can't fret about that right now, babe," he grumbled, running a hand down the top of his head. His smooth, bald head. At least - at least - Scaramouche had the forethought to buff out all most of the blemishes and 'borrow' some of Knock Out's expensive wax. What were a few conspicuous dents and dings, hm? ...Sigh. Here's hoping the Big Kahuna didn't have wandering eyes, because things were going to get a pinch awkward real fast.

    Anyway, time to get this show on the road! Prepare yourself, Mitchell Finnley, because trouble was about to walk through your door and it carried exactly 175lbs of aluminum sass and limitless baking know-how!

    Ding-ding~♫!

    "Aw, this is so cute~! Really diggin' the downtown coffeehouse aesthetic, babe. With a lil' free wi-fi and fair trade organic advertisements, this place'll be crawlin' with Millennials in a heartbeat! And you'd make a killin' with an all-vegan side shtick." Too bad there wasn't a college nearby; profit would've easily soared another 200%! Ah, but where were his manners? Turning away from that super cozy lil' corner nook by the store window, Scaramouche spun on his heels and greeted his potential future boss with a larger-than-life grin. Little did he know that things were about to turn fishy. Hey! In the android's defense, his scanners detected a lifeform in the corner of his vision and painted a hasty rendition of what they thought was a generic humanoid; what they didn't figure in their cursory scan, however, was that the lifeform had gills. "Mitchy, baby, it's good to see ya~!" he honked, flamboyant as always. "And thanks for givin' me a ring-a-ding-ding, babe. You will not buh-lieve how hard it is for an honest 'bot to land an - ...huh? Wait a minute...!"

    And then, the puzzle pieces clicked.

    Scaramouche gasped and looked mighty offended. "You! I know you!" the robot exclaimed, pointing a finger at the coldblooded alien masquerading as a hairless primate. Rude, but this was a moment for j'accuse! He grimaced with a loud, disappointed snap of his fingers. "Mitchell Finnley... Ugh! I knew I heard that name somewhere, Scaramouche, ya dink! That ain't a tasty lil' fella, that's none other than Minion!!" Well, now that the cat was out of the bag, and he didn't mean that hairless goblin basking on the counter top over there...

    Another sigh fluttered past his metal lips as the robot grunted, shifting the bulk of his weight on one leg. Sassy pose, initiate! "Y'know, babe, you have got to stop sneakin' around like that..." he tutted. "Like, how are you gonna run an honest biz if ya ain't gonna be an honest guy? ...Fish-alien-thing?"

    You get the concept, baby.

    "Oh well~!" Scaramouche laughed, flicking his wrist. This was a slight wrench in his expectations, but at least he solved the mystery of Mitchell Finnley. "Guess we'll just have to pretend your cover ain't blown. Whenever you wanna get our lil' convo started, babe, I'm your 'bot! ...Say, ya mind if I order a cup of java, too? I'm kinda thirst-y~!!" And no, he doesn't drink oil.
    Minion
    Minion
    Gigabyte

    Gigabyte

    Posts : 174
    Join date : 2010-09-26
    Location : The Inn, Room 344
    Level : 38

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    Post by Minion on Tue Jun 18, 2019 6:13 pm

    Noon, on the dot it was! Though, Minion would honestly be forgiving if someone was late by a minute or two. Life was unpredictable! You never know when traffic might back up, or a tree might fall on your car, or the world might end right before you leave your driveway! Being thirty minutes late would be pushing it however... A musical bell signaled that the person he was meeting wouldn't even be a second late though! A good way to start this interview off! The fish grinned at the door, the lazy cat's head swiveling to take in the sight. Ah, so it was a robot? Guess that explained the metallic twang to the voice, he thought there had just been interference!

    Vaguely familiar too. He must have seen him around at some point, although the attire was definitely new. Quite a tall robot at that, that was perhaps the most familiar characteristic. Sky blue dress shirt, lovingly pressed. Navy blue slacks, ironed perfectly. Snappy burgundy shoes and a checkered li'l neckerchief! Were this a job centered around clothing and fabrics, Scaramouche would have been hired right away! As an a-fish-ionado of such things, those brown eyes were gleefully taking in such details with pure admiration. Straightening up behind the counter, Minion's robotic hands clasped together as the robot complimented the atmosphere and already gave interesting ideas. "I never thought about vegan options," Probably because he was carnivorous. "But I'd consider that, if you really think it'd be a good idea! Free wi-fi is definitely on the list of things to do, of course, but I'm glad to hear you like the place already--!"

    "You! I know you! Mitchell Finnley... Ugh! I knew I heard that name somewhere, Scaramouche, ya dink! That ain't a tasty lil' fella, that's none other than Minion!!"

    ...

    Enthusiasm drained out of the fish alien, who could only gawk at the robot as pointed and hollered like some sort of ungodly robotic orangutan! Upon being identified for who he really was, Minion let out a girly shriek as both brawny arms slapped themselves over his robotic body defensively. They covered his chest and groin, even though there was nothing to see. The fish backed up in his tank until his tail was pressed flat against the glass. Tendrils and antennae fluttered in an anxious and irritated fashion. "H-hey! How do you know my name?!" Note to self; undead psychic beings and robots were both apparently capable of seeing through his hologram!

    You know what makes for a great first impression during a job interview? Insulting the store owner and calling his integrity into question. With a saucy huff, a hand clasped around the watch attached to his wrist. A sharp turn was all it took to deactivate the holographic image, the tasty Mitchell Finnley disappearing and leaving Minion for all (a robot and a cat) to see! "N-now see here, Mr. Robot! I'm a perfectly honest guy! W-when I'm not...using a false identity." Okay so you had him there. Now on the defensive, Minion's face pressed against the glass, fishy flesh smushing against it as his lips flared. "Life gets complicated, Mr. Robot! I didn't want to start a years long charade, but it was the best choice for me before! And besides, I am working on being honest about myself so... No need to pretend my cover is 'blown'." Making him sound like an FBI operative... His little fins sagged as he shuffled towards the coffee machines.

    "Any special way you want it? Cream, sugar? Iced?" Despite the uh... interesting way this was starting off, Minion didn't mind serving the robot a cup of coffee. Were he able to eat, the fish would offer a light snack too! Blame it on his caretaker personality. As he prepared the ceramic cup to Scaramouche's desires, Cleo watched the robot with a narrowed and wrinkled gaze. This here was a stranger, and he needed to pass the Cleo test of approval! Her naked tail tucked itself underneath her chin, those shiny eyes refusing to leave the robot. Holding the steaming cuppa in his unfeeling robo-grippers, Minion carefully carried it over to the well-dressed robot. "Where would you like to sit? And, may I say, you look incredibly dapper! I especially like your little neckerchief!" A good start, although it wouldn't last for long. With a friendly grin, Minion unfortunately continued! "Did somebody help you get dressed?"
    Scaramouche
    Scaramouche
    Terabyte

    Terabyte

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    Post by Scaramouche on Wed Jun 19, 2019 6:43 am

    ...Oof! Get a load of those feminine pipes. Scaramouche pretended to tweak a nonexistent ear, his grimace deepening. "I know a lot of things," he answered evenly, gaze cutting through the deceiving fish like a hot knife through lobster. "And I also know that it's supremely rude to waltz around the place under a fictitious guise, so let's not fool ourselves into thinkin' otherwise, shall we?" As the age-old adage goes: hook, line, and sinker. If the android so wanted, he could twist Minion's little fishy balls and squeeze whatever he wanted out of the indignant alien. Fortunately for our toothy friend, Scaramouche's checkered past had no place in the Collision of Worlds.

    "N-now see here, Mr. Robot! I'm a perfectly honest guy! W-when I'm not...using a false identity."

    "Mhm..." With a petite shake of his metal head, the Assassin with the Sassin' exhaled and glanced off to the side, crossing one arm over his abdomen as he propped up an imaginary cigarette with the other. "Scaramouche," he answered, locking gazes with his maybe-possibly-hopefully employer. "Just... Scaramouche, please and thank you. And ya don't gotta flop about like some freshly-caught halibut; I ain't gonna blow your cover." Ugh... growing soft was so not a good look for the robot, but it did present unique opportunities he'd differently miss. A smile graced his face as tensions ebbed, "A pinch of cream and a lil' smatterin' of sugar, if you'd be so kind~! I'd appreciate it greatly if ya gave me your strongest pot. Cute gobbo, by the way." Yes, kitty cat, he noticed your judgement stare from across the storefront. It was damn hard not to! "I assume this is the eponymous Cleo?" Had to be, considering his scanners didn't note another lifeform within the bakery's perimeters. "It's a shame," the android began, relaxing his arms. "While some folks find Sphynxes ugly, I think they're rather cute~! And I can tell that this one is quite content with her current accommodations, least of all her caretaker." Scaramouche shrugged and once again flashed a larger-than-life grin, teeth and all. "I, uh, used to live with a cat," he clarified.

    But the less said about that, the better. Though... what's this about having someone 'help' the robot dress himself? It was a very good oversight - fortuitous, even! - that Scaramouche lacked proper eyebrows, for they would surely be furrowed into disapproving knots thanks in no part to Minion's glaring ignorance. Compliment or not, the fish's insensitive words cut him right down to the very core!

    "...Oh, so you're one of those," the android murmured. Well, can't say this was wholly unexpected, given the attitudes of organics back home. Still! What a way to really make a 'bot feel welcomed. Scaramouche crossed his arms and accompanied the gesture with a loud click of his tongue. Font of unbridled sass in three, two - "Ah, so glad of Massa' to notice, oh yes indeedy, feed da needy~!" And lo, as if his mind spun at the drop of a dime, the robot loudly slapped his thighs and put on a lively performance, hamming it up to eleven. He even spun on his heels and acted not unlike an energetic cartoon character seen on the telly! Fleischer animation had nothing on Scaramouche. "Yes'm, yes'm~!" the robot continued, all smiles. "Why, this ol' unit hopped out of the closet and practically leaped into its Massa's arms as Massa got it all gussied up and ready to go for this here meetin'! First Massa ironed its shirt, then its pants, and then gave its clodhoppers a great big spit shine, mhmmmm~! Oh, Massa was da best~!"

    If Minion couldn't tell that Scaramouche was taking the royal piss out of him, then the alien was a ding-dong dummy of epic proportions.

    After one more whimsical twirl and thrice click of his heels, the android settled down and looked none too amused, all joviality replaced by a sour frown. "Listen up here, babe, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once," he stated hotly, optics narrowed. "I'm a free 'bot, ya pickin' up what I'm throwin' down? I ain't got no owner, no master, no nothin'. What'cha see is what'cha get, capisce?" Hopefully - hopefully - his emphasis would put the matter to rest and they could both move on with their lives. Their free lives, mind.

    Scaramouche worked in one last glare before shifting his gaze to the picturesque windowsill facing the street. "There's good," he remarked. "Out in the open and with plenty of sunshine. If ya got any objections, Flounder, now's the time to voice 'em."

    Tit-for-tat, you robo-racist!
    Minion
    Minion
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    Post by Minion on Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:10 pm

    "I know a lot of things, And I also know that it's supremely rude to waltz around the place under a fictitious guise, so let's not fool ourselves into thinkin' otherwise, shall we?"

    Yeesh... What a personal vendetta. It was as if somebody under a disguise had burned this robot's home down or something! As much as he wanted to defend himself, the fish let out a small huff but otherwise decided to agree to disagree. Or, well, just stop arguing the point. Was it rude to lie? Sure. Was it completely needed at one point in time? Yes. Was this robot making judgement calls on a situation he knew nothing about? Also yes! The only way this job interview was going to continue would be if such a roadblock was avoided for the moment. From Minion's point of view, his identity had nothing to do with whether Scaramouche would make a good employee or not!

    "Scaramouche it is." Quite the strange name... It brought to mind a certain song, actually...! One of Megamind's favorite. Perchance, did this robot like to do the fandango? A ghost of a smile graced its way upon scaly lips. And what mannerisms this robot had as well. Quite expressive, although the pretend-cigarette earned a pair of raised eyebrows. Do robots smoke? "Pinch of cream, smattering of sugar, strongest roast. Got it!" He rattled off Scaramouche's preferences like a natural in the kitchen, robotic hands a blur. Minion had never been a coffee fiend, but Megamind practically lived on the stuff! He peeked over a shoulder with a grin. "Right you are, Scaramouche! That's the faaaabulous Miss Cleo~!" Meow! The titular feline stretched her little pawsies out, pale pink toes wriggling before she settled for kneading at her pillow. Such high praise earned the robot a squint. You might be alright after all. "Oh, I love Cleo, goblin wrinkles and all. She's one in a million, and a fantastic roommate at that!" Wonder if the robot's cat had been just as lovely?

    But the light topic could go on for no longer, as the fish alien had unintentionally stepped into one heck of a pickle here. He approached the robot, beige coffee cup and matching plate held delicately in his metal fingers, cocked to the side. "One of...those?" And just like that, Scaramouche began to act like a fool! An actual fool at that! He slapped at his massive thighs with wild abandon, spun like a top, and waved those gangly arms like an inflatable tube man! Those brown orbs widened as Minion seriously considered the possibility that the 'bot had caught some sort of virus! But the uh... vernacular pointed to something else entirely.

    "Why, this ol' unit hopped out of the closet and practically leaped into its Massa's arms as Massa got it all gussied up and ready to go for this here meetin'! First Massa ironed its shirt, then its pants, and then gave its clodhoppers a great big spit shine, mhmmmm~! Oh, Massa was da best~!"

    Now see, despite being an alien, Minion had been raised wholly on Earth. America, to be exact. Which meant he instantly recognized the little play Scaramouche was putting on here as he pretended to be a black cotton picking slave. It was taboo, it was disturbing, it was... A little eye-opening! The jazzy robot wasn't just a robot. He was a free robot. He had a concept of freedom. A concept of being insulted. He was well on his way to person-hood, something that Minion had only read about in sci-fi novels! Never once had it been a possibility with their robotics, as they had been primitive and animalistic. But Scaramouche...was more advanced than he had ever realized.

    What a great job interview this was turning out to be, huh? A shocked look still in his guppy-like eyes, Minion's robotic fingers curled protectively around the coffee as he stepped closed into Scaramouche's bubble. "Scaramouche, please. I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't realize--. You see, I...used to help build robots. But our robots were primitive. They acted like dogs. They didn't act anything like you, I've honestly... Never seen a robot like you. You can obviously think for yourself, you're very opinionated, and you can dress yourself into a very lovely ensemble." He sighed softly, gills fluttering along the sides of his body. "I don't mind that you're a free robot. In fact, that's honestly great. I promise to...be more thoughtful, okay? How about we... start over, and then we can get started on this interview, huh? No objections, by the way." Clearing his throat, an action that was obviously more for show than anything else, the fish presented Scaramouche with a thick and brawny robotic hand. "My name is Minion, I own this bakery and I'd be honored if you'd consider working with me!" Minion smiled wide enough to expose every sharp fang in his mouth.
    Scaramouche
    Scaramouche
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    Post by Scaramouche on Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:50 am

    Was that a certain smile wriggling its slimy way up Minion's face? The robot's fingers twitched. "Yes," came a sudden interjection. It was partnered with naught else, however, and soon Scaramouche steered their conversation to more fruitful waters - and ones without a certain, exasperating reference. He reassessed Cleo's naked paws with a moment of silent consideration, almost lost in reverie, until the alien found his voice.  

    "One of...those?"

    Such candid naïvety practically begged a glance, and it arrived in no other than an incredulous peek from the corner of Scaramouche's LED display. "Yeah, one of those," the android repeated himself, level. Should he really indulge Minion a second more? Sigh... it'd certainly set the record straight, at least. "I get that you're from another Earth, babe, so I'mma make this pill easy to swallow, 'kay?" He faced the alien, gills and all, with one hand rested firmly upon a hip. "Even if you are some mook's underlin' - or were - that's a helluva lot better than a machine created for nothin' else than to toil ceaselessly away for its master's biddin' and then be discarded once it can no longer function." But, assuming that wasn't clear enough...

    "You're an organic, and that means you got inherent qualities we 'bots lack. Rights, namely," Scaramouche casually expressed. "No one bats an eye when you wanna make a decision. Take dressin' up, for example - somethin' so innocuous in organic culture that the majority of you take it for granted. If a robot wants to follow suit, however, we're automatically seen as too inept to make that distinction ourselves; much like your previous assumption. Now, granted, not all 'bots feel the need to cover themselves and look presentable, but I'll have ya know that some of us don't like feelin' naked. It's no different than Adam bein' ashamed of his genitals flappin' in the wind."

    With a heightened sense of self-awareness came a terrible price, but that lesson was neither here nor there. And though their first impressions had been turbulent... "Apology accepted, babe." Scaramouche nevertheless smiled, his features softening. Well, as much as a robot could soften one's features. He happily accepted Minion's invitation and shook the alien's, er... mind-controlled hand? The details escaped him, but the gesture was translated loud and clear! Metal clasped metal fondly.

    "Scaramouche the robot fool who can bake, at your service~! And, uh..." Like his host, the android cleared his vocalizer. "Sorry about gettin', y'know, ornery just then," he apologized. "I know I can come off strong and loud, but that bluster's really just for show. I ain't nearly as cantankerous as I came across, and, with all things permittin', I'd absolutely love to bake goodies with ya. Even be your friend and Cleo's dotin' peon, perhaps~!" And just maybe - maybe - the three of them could really knock the socks off everyone's sweet tooth for miles around. Sounded kinda fun, didn't it? A challenge worthy of their combined culinary expertise! And, of course, Cleo's steadfast kneading. "So! How shall we do this?" Scaramouche asked, taking a seat first. "You undoubtedly wanna know why a robot such as myself wants to willingly work in a bakery, let alone know how to bake, so I'm all receptors, baby! You need only but ask and I shall faithfully answer."

    Fairly simple, no? Assuming Minion grew tired of the taste of his own fin, this should be a relative walk in the fishbowl.
    Minion
    Minion
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    Posts : 174
    Join date : 2010-09-26
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    Wanted: Robotic Fool Who Can Bake UD6hGmr45/45Wanted: Robotic Fool Who Can Bake QVqUJop  (45/45)
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    Post by Minion on Fri Jun 21, 2019 10:25 pm

    "Yes,"

    Between that sharp response and the way the robot knew his true name... Minion was seriously beginning to wonder if the robot somehow had mind reading skills! How would one even program such an ability? Smile turning strained, the fish was almost relieved that the topic had changed! Just a shame that it wasn't exactly a positive one. With yet another uncanny 'bout of robo-mind reading, Scaramouche took great pains to explain where he was positioned in the species ranks. Hint hint, not very high. With his elbows held close to his chest and his hands daintily pressed together, Minion nibbled on his lip as he considered the implications.

    Underling or not, alien fish or not, he still had more rights than a robot. A mechanical widget, a mere toy meant to be discarded as soon as it no longer produced the results it was built for. ...Despite being organic, Minion could certainly emphasize with such a lot in life. Despite the rights allotted to Minion, it still felt odd for Scaramouche to say he could make his own decisions. He was still wrapping his head around that one, honestly. He could have done without the colorful reference to the Bible and Adam's genitalia however! But... the robot's logic was sound and he made a fair point. With a heavy sigh that generated a big bubble in the water, he gave a contrite frown. "For as long as you're in my store, whether it's as an employee or just for this interview, I will do my best not to be 'one of those'. You deserve rights too! You're certainly intelligent and thoughtful enough for them." A far cry from mindless if very cute 'bowg'ing.

    Tension rolled out of robotic shoulders at the smile. Even if Minion had unintentionally offended this colorful fellow, it seems it wasn't too difficult to get back on his good side! The apology was accepted and the two were ready to move forward. Just had to avoid further faux pas! Shaking hands with a robot was rather interesting, considering his own appendages. Metal digits curled around metal, and a hearty but friendly shake was exchanged. As Scaramouche apologized as well, the fish smiled as if it was the first genuine apology he'd ever heard. It only increased when the robot offered to be his friend!!! "Really, even though we just met?" Despite the incredulous tone, it was clear such a statement was not meant in a negative manner. Fins wavering excitedly, Minion pressed closer to the glass. "I'd like that! And I know Cleo would too! Apology absolutely accepted!" The robot was certainly full of personality and perhaps a bit too... loud upon one's first meeting. But it didn't take long to become acclimated to such theatrics.

    Minion took his seat after, allowing Scaramouche to have the seat with a view while he wriggled his way onto the stool. Such short robotic legs wasn't the best design for sitting, but what can you do when you live in a shoe? He shuffled in place, making himself comfortable before directing his gaze back to the robot across the table. What good questions to start off with! "I would like to know that, actually! Why do you want to work here? Do you have previous experience working in bakeries or cafes? Or are you self-taught in the ways of baking?" Leaning close with his hand held up to the side of the tank, the fish lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Between me and you, I'm actually self-taught! Self-taught myself a lot of things since I didn't really have 'school'." So, should Scaramouche admit that he wasn't full of fancy chef degrees and programming, he'd find no judgement here! And if he was more qualified than Minion to work here... Well, that'd just be pretty damn awkward.
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    Post by Scaramouche on Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:28 pm

    ...Hm! Y'know, this Minion wasn't all wet (despite the obvious). And maybe, if the alien played his cards right, he really would have a friend for life. Baby steps first, though! Scaramouche was a 'bot with a lot on his plate. "All right~!" he grinned, nodding. "Ya remember what I toldja and I'll dial it down on the ass-blastin'. Lucky you, 'cause I don't promise that to strangers often!" The android was kidding, the android was kidding. He only sometimes bit his tongue when in the presence of unfamiliar faces. "And yeah, sure! I'll be your pal," Scaramouche shrugged casually. "If you're as nice as ya try to come off and Cleo gives her blessin', what's there to lose?" It took all of the robot's willpower not to blurt out 'desperate', but it wasn't far from the truth. Minion was starved for a friend, that much was painfully clear, and it was almost a borderline morbid curiosity to find out why. Why does he wear the mask?

    "I would like to know that, actually! Why do you want to work here? Do you have previous experience working in bakeries or cafes? Or are you self-taught in the ways of baking? ...Between me and you, I'm actually self-taught! Self-taught myself a lot of things since I didn't really have 'school'."

    Um...! N-No comment on that last one - not yet.

    "W-Well, er...!" The robot tried his best not to trip over his own processors. ...Why did he want this job? Uh-oh... this had all the makings of PSU-crushing despair spontaneous introspection. "I mean, like, I saw your ad hangin' up on the board, and I kinda thought, y'know, maybe you could use a fresh pair of... hands?" Bah! A weak opening act. Scaramouche frowned at such a pitiful display and glanced down in thought, a low hum resonating from deep within his throat. Well, if they were gonna hit this outta the park right... then honesty was the best policy. "...I'll confess that I don't really need the job, let alone the scratch, but it's honestly somethin' for me to do and I've grown so accustomed to life in a kitchen that I get antsy if I ain't, well, cookin'! Better, better. Still a pinch amateurish, but it wasn't like this was applying to some five-star restaurant in uptown. W-Which wasn't to discredit Minion's establishment, of course! No, not at all~! But the pressure wasn't quite as real. ...Ish. "A-Anyway!" He cleared his vocalizer and got back on track. "I need to work, babe. It's just somethin' a bot's gotta do, y'know? As for past experience, I used to, ah... work at a tavern - o-one that's no longer around, unfortunately, but I slaved away for nearly two years and worked myself to the endoskeleton! And I made eeeeeeverythin' while toilin' away there, too. From comfortin' breakfasts to decadent desserts, from savory hors d'oeuvres to jaw-droppin' four-course meals... heck, I even learned how to make homemade jams from the garden that I tilled! And with my bare hands, no less~!" It was a real shame what happened to it, too...

    Don't look sour, don't look sour... Okay, Scaramouched looked a lil' sour, but it most definitely wasn't because of Minion! "Eh..." He clicked his tongue, disappointment palpable. "She never did work the land after all the trouble I went through..." Off-screen was off-screen, and that frankly amounted to a handful of peanuts after everything was said and done.

    Optics lazily drifted forward.

    "...?" Hey, who was this bug-eyed guppy with a smile even Jaws would - oh! Oh, right. Bakery, interview, potential new boss. Doi! Keep it together, babe. The android smacked his own forehead. "Ack, s-sorry! Wayward processes." He made a couple of hastily-written instructions and filed the unorganized thoughts for later. "Ya said you're self-taught, yeah?" Scaramouche asked, lowering his hand. "Well, you're in good company, babe, 'cause prior to workin' that dead-end gig, I was liable to burn a pot of water." Don't laugh, because it was true. "In case you haven't noticed, babu, I ain't a culinary model - farthest from it. Everythin' I learned, I learned on the job and pretty much on the fly. Had some 'help', of course, but only up to a certain degree before I was cut loose. I've since learned to operate without supervision." If his optic could twitch, it would have. "Hmph, I've since learned to deal without supervision, too..."
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    Post by Minion on Mon Jun 24, 2019 6:44 pm

    "Ya remember what I toldja and I'll dial it down on the ass-blastin'. Lucky you, 'cause I don't promise that to strangers often!"

    Hm, 'ass-blasting'. That was certainly not a phrase Minion had heard very often in his life! Being friends with Scaramouche would prove to be very interesting. As for what he had been told, the fish could only assume it was regarding the disguises. And if he was hired, it wasn't like Minion could hide lies about his identity. "Okay, okay..." With a soft sigh, he made a show of removing the watch and stashing it away into a hidden storage space in his arm. "No more hiding behind holograms." At least he agreed to be a pal! Wowie ka-zowie, that was definitely exciting! "Do I really come off as nice?" Minion wondered aloud. "I mean, I'm not... trying to do anything. Other than be me. But that's nice to hear that you think I seem nice! And Cleo absolutely gives her blessing~!" Nothing to lose indeed! And everything to gain!

    On with the interview! Which was...already off to an interesting start as Scaramouche practically tripped over himself in answering Minion's questions. Not that the answers were wrong! Just that the robot's confidence had wilted away in a hurry. "Well, you're right about that! I could definitely use the extra pair of hands." He reassured with a friendly grin, trying to help the ball roll since it looked like the tall robot was really close to dropping it along with all of his spaghetti! Honesty was greatly appreciated, as he explained that he didn't technically 'need' this job. Applying had been more out of a passionate drive for baking and a need to keep busy. "Oh, I know how that is." Minion replied, leaning on the table as if the two were gossiping. When one works in the kitchen for so long, it begins to feel wrong to be away from it!

    Prior job experience was a job at a tavern! Toiling away for two years, the meals fixed at a tavern weren't exactly the same as a bakery, but it was as good as. Experience was experience! Scaramouche had served up a variety of meals and dishes, which was certainly a positive in Minion's book! The fish looked especially taken by the mention of homemade jams, brown eyes widening as his robotic hands clasped together. "Oh! That's so charming!" With a sweet little garden too! What a handy and skilled person this robot was turning out to--

    "Eh... She never did work the land after all the trouble I went through..."

    Oh boy... The fish tilted within his tank, tendrils drooping to scrap the bottom of his container. That was a familiar, if bitter tone. Disappointment, a pinched up sour expression on that metal face. And he did mention that the tavern was no longer around? ...And when Minion had seen this robot in the past, it had usually been him accompanying a fluffy cat woman. ... Ah... Understanding dawned on the fish, as this stranger became that much more... relatable. The alien was patient as Scaramouche's processors centered back onto the present to kick his metal butt into gear again. "Ah, you're fine, you're fine!" He waved a hand dismissively. "I did say that, yes!" His prospective employee and friend went on to admit that he was self-taught as well. He hadn't been made for cooking, and only learned the skill so he could cook at the tavern.

    "It's good to hear that you developed a passion for it, even if you weren't made to cook. And especially since you had to teach yourself! It's much like me. I didn't exactly learn so I could work somewhere, but I did learn how to cook in order to...well, cook for someone else. I learned many things for him. I used to think that... taking care of him was my only purpose in life. What I was made for. So, I know how hard it is to go about your life without that 'supervision'." Being his own person had been a lonely and wayward experience. Leaning forward ever so slightly, Minion quickly turned the subject back to the job before they could get too pensive. "As your boss, I would provide appropriate supervision while also giving you the space to do your own thing! So, are there any dishes you've struggled with, or were harder for you to learn or grasp? I actually have a menu printed up, if you'd like to look at it and get an idea of what we'll be baking here."
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    Post by Scaramouche on Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:16 pm

    ...Oops! Guess it kinda went without saying that the android had a 'colorful' vocab, as well. Man, being this bombastic should be illegal~!

    "Okay, okay... No more hiding behind holograms."

    Ahhh... the sweet, heavenly sound of progress. Scaramouche couldn't have pulled that off better if he even tried. Have no fear, Minion! Your glaring insecurity was going to be kept secret and safe (mm~!) with him. "Thank you~! And yeah, ya do!" the robot confirmed with a cheery nod. "Ya definitely come off as someone who's used to rulin' the roost from a domestic standpoint - what, with the laminated flyer and all - but that's not necessarily a bad quality, y'know? You're playin' to your strengths and you're givin' it your all to grasp your lil' fishy dreams. I can admire that!" Don't ever lose that spark, baby!

    But... yes, Scaramouche's opening act had been devastatingly weak. His shoulders drooped. "Ugh, in my defense," he sighed, "I haven't really done an interview before... No real need, y'know? A bot's either capable of the job or it ain't, and most organics already know the answer beforehand just by inspectin' its kit." Like, who 'employs' a construction 'bot at a daycare, for example? Or a medical 'bot at a labor-intensive mine? The android gave a teeny shrug, "We have our designated purposes, y'know? Ya buy us, we do our thing, ya dump us for the next best model and we clutter a landfill. That's the circle of life for a 'bot, babe." But not here! Oho, here, a robot could make a better life for itself. Here, it could learn the ropes of autonomy, discover its fledgling personality, and partake in what it wanted to do - such as applying for a job at a certain bakery! - and rust away not in a garbage heap but in the comfort of its own home after years of dedicated service. Sounded fairly nice, didn't it?

    It sounded, dare Scaramouche think it, like the American Portal Breach Dream.

    "I do wanna work here, though!" he piped up emphatically, looking optics with Minion. "Despite our prickly first impressions, I wanna bake and be of use! Donuts, muffins, scones and fritters? I can do those! Cakes, pies, tarts and cookies? I can do those too! Whatever ya need of me, babe, just say the word and I can bake it!" Forget that ol' Rosie the Riveter! It's time for Scaramouche the Baker, and this honking, big-nosed clown was looking to throwdown!

    "It's good to hear that you developed a passion for it, even if you weren't made to cook. And especially since you had to teach yourself! It's much like me. I didn't exactly learn so I could work somewhere, but I did learn how to cook in order to...well, cook for someone else. I learned many things for him. I used to think that... taking care of him was my only purpose in life. What I was made for. So, I know how hard it is to go about your life without that 'supervision'."

    W-Wait, play that last part again!

    "So, I know how hard it is to go about your life without that 'supervision'."

    No, not that part. The one before it!

    "I used to think that... taking care of him was my only purpose in life. What I was made for."

    Bingo.

    Scaramouche's processors nearly skipped a beat. He stared quietly at Minion as if bewildered, his mouth slightly agape. "You... You understand what I'm... goin' through...?" Well of course the alien did! His name was McFreakin' Minion, and the only time you ever name somebody that was if you were in the evil bid'ness and you owned a, duh, minion! Cutesy pet names didn't count. Funny, though... If Minion was a 'minion', then where was his - ?


    "So, are there any dishes you've struggled with, or were harder for you to learn or grasp? I actually have a menu printed up, if you'd like to look at it and get an idea of what we'll be baking here."

    "...Huh?" Oh, right! Interview. They can exchange war stories later. The robot plucked his head outta the clouds with a quick shake and refocused on the task at hand. "I-I, uh, d-didn't really struggle with anythin' after r-readjustin' my programmin'." Please, oh please let Minion's ignorance of robotics shine right here. "A-And I'd be pretty h-honored if ya gave me a menu! I'm 110% confident that whatever's on it, babe, I can make it with flyin' colors. There's no challenge too great, hon hon~!" Oh good. He finally worked the stammering out of his vocalizer. What an annoying glitch! Maybe Jo or her grumpy sourpuss could do something about it.
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    Post by Minion on Tue Jun 25, 2019 9:44 pm

    "Ya definitely come off as someone who's used to rulin' the roost from a domestic standpoint - what, with the laminated flyer and all - but that's not necessarily a bad quality, y'know? You're playin' to your strengths and you're givin' it your all to grasp your lil' fishy dreams. I can admire that!"

    Either Minion really was that transparent, or Scaramouche was just an incredibly observant robot! ...Perhaps it was both. In any case, the alien fish could do little else but give a bashful chuckle. "You've got me pegged! I've always been something of a house-fish!" Even if sometimes 'house' meant 'evil lair', 'evil warehouse', or 'evil abandoned building' rather than a legitimate home. Megamind may have been the boss during their schemes, but he was the boss in their day to day lives! "Thanks for noticing the lamination, by the way." With a somewhat lackadaisical grin, Minion was quite proud of himself as he went on to humble brag. "It definitely cost an extra penny or two, but I wanted to make sure the flyer lasted a long time! And besides, it just looks more professional that way." He nonchalantly brushed imaginary dust off of a shoulder. Ooh yeah, nothing more impressive than decoration and organized papers!

    "Don't worry! This is my first time conducting a job interview too, you know?" So they were both a little out of their element! Nothing the robot had said so far was worthy of being chucked from the job. If anything, the guppy just became all the more interested in Scaramouche's reasons for wanting to work here. "Not a very fun or fulfilling life." The life cycle of a robot was truly comparable to kitchen appliances or some other trinket dumped at the slightest instance of something shinier coming on the block. Made him happy that the brainbots received better treatment... What Scaramouche lacked in interview experience, he made up for with a very ambitious drive! The robot seemed determined to prove himself, almost eager to be challenged. He insisted that he could and would bake anything that Minion needed him to. Just say the word and it is done! Such confidence was definitely appreciated as the fish grinned from...earhole to earhole? "I think I'd like to see you in action today! Whipping up a little something something, just to see how you are in the kitchen. Would that be alright?" For all he knew, Scaramouche could have a very busy schedule for today!

    "You... You understand what I'm... goin' through...?"

    Only a few minutes into meeting each other and they were already digging into the emotional pay dirt. This would be a very awkward circumstance, if it weren't for just how nice it was to talk to someone who...knew what it was like. With his robotic hands folded neatly upon his lap, the fish nod-bobbed in his tank with a gentle if sad smile. "There are some differences, of course! Like you pointed out, I am still organic. But I still spent, almost my entire life, believing that my only purpose in life was to take care of someone. He was my best friend. My, only friend, honestly! We grew up together, did everything together! It wasn't a bad existence, even if he didn't always appreciate me like he should have! But things...changed. And after that... It just wasn't the same." He trailed off with a sigh. Minion just couldn't carry on being nannyfish for people who didn't care half as much about him as he had for them!

    R-right, the interview! Lucky for Scaramouche, Minion's part in the creation of Megamind's robots had been strictly relegated to engineering. He didn't assist with the programming or coding at all, and so for all he knew? Cooking was just a matter of readjusting programming. Like fiddling with the setting on an oven! "Alright! Let me go grab you a menu!" With a parting grin, Minion rose from the table and rather noisily made his way back to the counter, water sloshing in his tank and metal parts whirring and clicking. As he approached it, Cleo stretched one last time before she abruptly lifted off of the pillow and jumped down to the red tile. With a soft pitter patter of her paw pads, she approached the robot with a wrinkly squint. Scaramouche didn't even get a warning meow before she suddenly jumped up onto his lap and began to turn around in circles to make herself at home!

    "Cleo!" The fish chided as he returned just in time to see his cat become a naked turkey loaf on Scaramouche's lap. He nibbled his lip anxiously, brown eyes flitting from the robot to the feline. "Well, if you want her to move, you can just say the word. Otherwise, I've got the menu!" Mindful of Cleo, he held it out for Scaramouche to take. Once again, each page was laminated. It was decently sized, the outer cover a dark brown while the inside was a creamy sort of beige. Minion didn't yet take his seat, still eyeballing the finicky feline as he tapped his metal fingers together. "If you have any suggestions, or ideas, let me know! Otherwise...what do you think?" It'd be nice to get the opinion of another chef, especially one who had experience in a tavern!
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    Post by Scaramouche on Thu Jun 27, 2019 6:25 am

    As transparent as Windex on a clear tank of water! Say, what did Minion think of aquariums? Scaramouche had a burning desire to know, along with wanting to know where the alien's fecal matter went. "A house-fish, eh~?" Oh no, your bulbous peepers weren't deceiving you, McGilligan. There was a very, very inappropriate word dancing on the tip of Scaramouche's synthetic tongue, and his obscene thoughts were betrayed by the quirking corners of his lips. Fortunately for everyone involved, readers included, the android had more common sense than the average bear (sometimes). "Know the feelin', babe, know the feelin'," he chuckled. And would you just look at that overgrown smug trout, pleased by his own forethought! Scaramouche road the alien's coattails with a crisp snap of his fingers. "Hey, if you can spare the expense to get it done right the first time...~!" As some would eagerly vouch, it was all about that fantastic little thing called presentation, and who honestly fancied a beat up, worn, dog-eared piece of paper?

    Maybe Oscar the Grouch, but he wasn't applying for the job, was he?

    "Don't worry! This is my first time conducting a job interview too, you know?"

    Pfft! He could've bet money on that one. But hey, it worked in Scaramouche's favor and the robot wasn't about to look a gift fish in the toothy mouth. "Wahey, that makes two of us~!" he blurted aloud, all teeth and smiles. He even flicked his wrist, the metal dandy. "Though, at the risk of me soundin' like I got a lil' brown on my schnoz, I think you're doin' greeeeeat, baby! Even when pitted against the colorful likes of moi, and I ain't no easy customer." That much was apparent. The android shook his head with a faint 'mm-mm'. "No, it isn't," he answered, "but y'know how it goes, babu. Sometimes ya just gotta take those lemons and make weaponized lemonade, hon hon~!" Throw a lil' in their eyes... On their open sores... Up their nostrils... Maybe a drinky-poo, if feeling generous. Anyway, you get the concept, babe.

    "I think I'd like to see you in action today! Whipping up a little something something, just to see how you are in the kitchen. Would that be alright?"

    W-Wait, was that a serious question...? A serious-serious question? Scaramouche instantly clamped his metal yapper shut and gawked at the alien with a wide-eyed stare. "Y... You're askin' me?" he squeaked timidly, pointing to himself. T-That, uh, wasn't how the script u-usually goes, is it...? No, no! The boss is the one who makes demands, and the employee is the one who follows them. That's the very basic of premises for any job! So, er...

    The metaphorical gears and cogs turned in Scaramouche's head (he wasn't that archaic, thank you!), but Minion needn't fear. After a few flutters of puffed cheeks and flickering diodes, the android couldn't help but crow with laughter. "HA!! 'Would that be all right', he says! Him, the ringleader of the show, askin' this piddly ol' clown if he could be bothered to whip a lil' - and I quote - 'somethin', somethin' up! Oh Minion, baby, ya just slay me with that 'nice guy' act~!" This was definitely a first for a grizzled ancient like Scaramouche, but you know what? It wasn't bad! It was actually kind of enduring, in fact. Maybe even nice. He cut his laughter to the quick, content to merely grin at the innocuous guppy. "You's the boss~!" the android winked. "Just say the word, babe, and I'll whip up whateeeeever ya want, no questions asked." Why yes, Scaramouche was a contract killer, what gave it away?

    "There are some differences, of course! Like you pointed out, I am still organic. But I still spent, almost my entire life, believing that my only purpose in life was to take care of someone. He was my best friend. My, only friend, honestly! We grew up together, did everything together! It wasn't a bad existence, even if he didn't always appreciate me like he should have! But things...changed. And after that... It just wasn't the same."

    ...Ooh, right in the robot fee-fees.

    Scaramouche couldn't even suppress a wince. "Yeeeouch..." he mumbled, feeling for the lil' guy. Okay, addendum: they were going to briefly scratch the surfaces of their respective war stories. "Yeah, no. I completely understand where you are comin' from, babe. For me, I didn't grow up with her, but I was ready to settle down and carry out the rest of my life expectancy with the woman whom I thought shared the same sentiments. Nnnnnnope, silly me, hon hon~!" The robot shook his head and wore a flat expression. "...Turns out," Scaramouche continued, irritated, "she got cold peets at the last possible second and ruined pretty much everythin' we had together, from our daily lives to our freakin' future. It was like she had become a completely different person. A selfish, ugly person." And that was just no good. Almost as deplorable as letting this train of thought derail the entire interview, so the robot jumped tracks and flashed the brightest of smiles. "Anyway! I'm sorry to hear about ya losin' your best friend, but there're always - he he~ - bigger and better fish in the sea! You'll catch your groove again, baby, I just know it~! So chin up, yeah?"

    Aw, a menu and an adorable lil' naked turkey loaf!!

    "No, no! It's fine~!" he laughed, carefully running his metal fish-stick fingers up and down Cleo's spine. What a bony lil' turd! Scaramouche cradled her protectively on his lap and looked right at home. "I've often said that a cat's purrin' is just music to the receptors, and this here puss-puss has a glorious set of pipes that'll make even a Harley run for its money! She's so cuuuuute~! Didja name her after Cleopatra, by any chance?" Which would be hilarious, because Sphynx cats originated from Toronto, Canada and not Egypt. Still! It was a regal name for a regal queen, and Cleo very much looked like a cat who knew what she wanted. In this case, Scaramouche's warm, metal lap!

    The android would've easily pampered her all day if his sensors hadn't detected Minion's appendage reach close. "...Ah, the menu! Thank yooou~!" He accepted it without question and leafed through it meticulously, optics roaming its laminated pages up and down while his other hand stroked Cleo into high kitty heaven.

    "Hm...!"

    "Uh-huh, uh-huh..."

    "Oh, I like that~! That's a nice touch."

    Your fairly run-of-the-mill reactions, and soon Scaramouche finished compiling his honest, but fair criticism of Minion's handiwork. "It's really good!" he piped up, setting the menu down on the table. "I can tell ya put a lot of love and attention to detail, and the colors ain't half bad either - which is somethin' I definitely appreciate." Now for the rest of this compliment sandwich. Don't fret yourself onto a grill and then someone's dinner plate, Minion! The robot was gonna keep it tame. He looked the fish directly in those worried ojos and put on a friendly smile. "Havin' said that, I think it could really benefit from a more uniformed look - like the images and text linin' up for that B-E-A-U-tiful menu feng shui, or makin' the combos really POP! when you're just aimlessly browsin' the goods. Anythin' that's copacetic on the eyes and enticin' to people's stomachs, baby! Other than that, though, ya did a nifty J-O-B! Ain't that right, Cleo~?" Nothing a little Photoshop magic can't fix.
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    Post by Minion on Sat Jun 29, 2019 2:31 pm

    "A house-fish, eh~?"

    Minion wasn't sure what it was about the way he said that... But the fish had a sneaking suspicion that the robot meant to say something else. Something taboo and obscene. Perhaps it was the ghost of a grin tugging on the edges of his lips? Minion cleared his throat and kept a pokerface. "Yes, that's what I said." Don't look too far into it, Mr. Mouche! We have to keep this thread appropriate for all audiences! He thankfully moved on to more comfortable topics and subjects. The two of them admired a job well done, which was already something of a glowing positive for Scaramouche. While the alien certainly didn't want to have a legion of clones working for him, he far preferred the idea of a worker who put forth all of their effort towards doing the right thing over one who took several attempts because they were lazy in the beginning. Such characteristics were especially important in the kitchen! With a glowing expression in his brown eyes, it was clear that the diminutive fish approved of Scaramouche. "Exactly!" Presentation was so much! A dish could be elegantly delicious but if it looked like crap, nobody would want to eat it.

    Flamboyance was always more Megamind's shtick than Minion's, so he could only watch as the robot gaily flicked his wrist. So natural! It made the fish feel kinda clunky... With a wave of his own robotic hand (much less graceful but still getting the message across), he sputtered softly. "Pfft! Don't worry about any brown on that nose." And what a beaked nose it was. Somebody really wanted this robot to have a dynamic profile! "You're definitely... louder than I expected, but that's a good thing! And I'm glad I'm doing a fine enough job of this." As for those lemons, you'd bet that Minion truly appreciated the art of making lemonade from a bad situation! You can't get much better than faking your death after all. An explosive type of lemonade in that case...

    "Of course!" Minion responded with full sincerity. "I'd hate to mess up your schedule  for the rest of the day by making you stay here longer." It was probably very clear that the fish was still used to a life of catering to the needs of others. Even if Scaramouche was his prospective employee, interviewing for the job, he'd still prefer to give that choice to the robot. Perhaps something he wasn't used to, as the robot stared in shock before he crowed like a rooster. Minion held his arms close to his metal chest, startled by the laughter and staring after the strange metal man. But there was no denial of his request, only good humor and assurance that Minion was the boss and that he merely needed to say the word for this demonstration to go down. The fish nod-bobbed with a grin. "O-okay! When I'm ready to see you whip up some goodies, I'll let you know!" There was still some groundwork to be done before they scurry to the kitchen!

    "Yeah, no. I completely understand where you are comin' from, babe. For me, I didn't grow up with her, but I was ready to settle down and carry out the rest of my life expectancy with the woman whom I thought shared the same sentiments. Nnnnnnope, silly me, hon hon~!"

    Oh no.

    Shock registered easily on the fish's face, his fanged jaw dropping as all fins and wriggly bits drooped. It was one thing to go through such a horrible experience with Megamind, who was practically the only family Minion had. Ward, brother, and best friend all wrapped up in one package! Friendly and familial, someone he'd known since infancy. Someone he had grown up beside and taken care of. Being betrayed and hurt by Megamind had been awful... But to go through that with a lover?! He hadn't even gotten the chance to pick his allegiance to Megamind! For all he knew, he'd been constructed in an alien lab just for the purpose of serving and protecting the swollen headed alien! But a lover was picked. Chosen from a group of others. Megamind had chosen Roxanne and that was why her initial rejection hurt so much! His little heart immediately went out to the robot, particularly with that last little sentiment.

    "I know exactly what you mean. Megamind a-and his girlfriend, they truly became different people by the end of it! Selfish, ugly people who expected me to cook their every meal, and m-make all of their outfits..." What had once been done out of the kindness of his little fishy heart became expected. To the point that Megamind boasted that he didn't need to shop for clothes when he could just have Minion make things for him. His lip quivered as some old emotions resurfaced in his mind. "I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you, Mr. Mouche, b-but you seem like you're handling yourself well! Making some...lemonade from the situation! And you're right... I'll catch my groove again, just like you! Honestly, having someone like you work here would probably be great for that... especially if you really wanna be my friend." What could be better than knowing that he was working with someone who knew exactly how he'd felt? Perhaps they could even help each other out!

    Cleo's spine stretched and shifted, receptive to his touch! Bare skin wrinkled and moved as Scaramouche's fingertips easily grazed over her flesh. The cat leaned back ever so slightly, purring deeply with squinting eyes. Oh yes, she was in heaven. This metal man was like a heated massage chair made just for a kitty! Her little claws began to work their magic, pushing and pulling at his shirt delicately as she enjoyed the lavish attention! Seeing how happy the two of them were, Minion couldn't bare to separate them now! "H-heh heh! Actually... Megamind named her, and he did name her after the famous queen. I wanted to name her Harriet!" Much like the robot, Minion was aware that Sphynx cats were Canadian rather than Egyptian. Now, Egyptian Maus were obviously Egyptian! Remembering his little fish that was back at the inn, he affixed the robot with a proud little smile. "I also have a goldfish named Goldy!" Original, yes?

    Menu handed over, the fish tapped his robotic fingies together as he eagerly waited for feedback. Scaramouche was actually the first person to see this menu, aside from his beloved pets! Cleo continued to absorbed affection from the robot, eventually rubbing her temple against his knuckles as he read. So far, the robot's reactions sounded rather pleased! A fledgling smile grew, Minion eager to hear from a fresh pair of 'eyes', so to speak! Attention to detail and the colors were an immediate plus. But the images and the text weren't exactly uniform, which was something the fish could cop to. On a few pages, they were uneven as he tried to fit all of the information and crop the images to the best of his abilities! Nibbling his lip thoughtfully, it was clear that the feedback didn't necessarily destroy the fish's self esteem. He could take criticism! But how to implement this feedback...? "Hm..." Lifting his gaze back to the robot, he stepped a little closer to rest a hand on the menu. He briefly scanned the cover before he looked back at Scaramouche. "If I wind up hiring you, do you think you could help me with re-making this menu so that everything is more...even and pleasant looking? I'd compensate you for your time!" Perhaps the attentive gaze of a true robot could help to put the finishing touches on this menu and make it perfect!
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    Post by Scaramouche on Wed Jul 03, 2019 11:56 am

    Oh ho ho... were the android's ocular sensors deceiving him, or was Minion putting on one helluva poker face? Looks like Mr. House-Fish was fine opening the door but not flopping through it. "Hm-hm~! Yep, that's what ya said~!" Scaramouche echoed in obnoxious sing-song. Give the plucky robot an inch and he'll take a mile. Possibly even two, if you weren't careful. Ah, but that unmistakable glow of warmth swimming in the alien's eyes! Of blossoming approval! It warmed this old PSU, it did, and the android was beginning to feel more and more useful by the second, let alone sweep Minion off his fins and into a one-sided Mambo.

    Newfound purpose, get!

    "You're definitely... louder than I expected, but that's a good thing! And I'm glad I'm doing a fine enough job of this."

    "Yeah, well...~!" Scaramouche quit staring down at his beak of a nose, optics uncrossing, and kept grinning like the helpless fool that he was. No horse comparisons, please! "I'm loud as all heck, sure, and plenty bombastic - b-but I'm a real hard-workin' cat, robot's honor! Ya won't find a more industrious unit on the block than me, babe, guaran-freakin'-tee'd!" One great thing about being a robot? No need for breaks, not even for the lil' bot's room! He'll need to be oiled and well-maintained, but that's easily done off the clock and thankfully nothing Minion needed to concern himself with (hello, Knock Out~!). "...Oh, my schedule?" The android tapped his temple in thought, crunching a few quick calculations. "Well, I was intendin' to stop by the local auto shop to pick up some Meguiar's and a new chamois, buuuuut..." But! A new opportunity had presented itself, and Scaramouche wasn't about to let it slip away like a... er, well, fish!

    He responded with a cooperative nod, "I appreciate the consideration, baby, but I'm down to clown whenever you're ready~! Just, uh... don't have me makin' somethin' like a Baked Alaska, all right?" The android didn't know why, but meringue was just one of those things that couldn't be rushed no matter how hard you tried. Scaramouche was a robot, Minion, not a miracle worker! Unless you needed a masseuse; then he'd have you screaming 'Jesus, Mary, Joseph!' in no time.

    Aw, look at Minion's face! It was so sad and droopy! And such sweet, round little peepers bursting on the brim of little fishy tears...! Quick, he must fix this!

    "O-Oh no, it's f-fine, really~!" Scaramouche tried to reassure the poor guy with a tiny laugh. No, don't feel bad, Minion! Please don't feel bad! The robot coughed into his hand and felt a teensy bit guilty for being careless with the trauma bomb. Note to self: unload emotional baggage in bite-sized doses, not devastating chunks. "We've both been a victim of selfish peeps, but that's all in the past 'cause we're movin' full steam ahead into the future, baby! Our future, where we call the shots, where we take care of numero uno, and where we don't cater to no one who ain't Minion or Scaramouche! No one, baby!!" Sounded like the stuff of dreams, and the android wasn't going to rest until he made it a reality. A paradise after a lifetime of hardship and abandonment. "Oh, but please! Call me 'Mouche~!" he smiled. Mister was a lil' too formal for the robot's tastes; perhaps when he started a family, if that was still in the cards. "And don't worry a precious scale on your body, babu: the only thing I expect outta you, job or not, is to treat others fairly and not take crap from any Tom, Dick, or Harry that comes traipsin' in here. You're a fish on a mission, baby, and your kowtowing days are over!"

    In the midst of their bonding and interwoven pep talks, the pampered goblin lounging on Scaramouche's lap hadn't missed a lick of attention. By now, his metal fingers had sufficiently rubbed and worshiped every naked inch of Cleo's body, and they paid extra attention to the wrinkly folds beneath her chin. He nearly squealed in delight when she began making muffins out of his poor shirt. It was a tad silly, but the android missed that sensation so!

    "Goldy the Goldfish, and Harriet the Sphynx..." Well! There was clearly only one possible avenue this could go. "Hon~! Lemme guess..." Scaramouche chuckled. "Harry, right? 'Cause she's a hairless cat and all?" Yeah, he saw riiiiight through you, Minion. Like cheap toilet paper!

    "If I wind up hiring you, do you think you could help me with re-making this menu so that everything is more...even and pleasant looking? I'd compensate you for your time!"

    YES! A chance to prove his mettle and be more than a bump on a log!

    Scaramouche snapped an instant salute. "Aye aye, Cap'n~!" he gave a spirited reply, sailor accent and all. "Just gimme the deets, and I'll work this straw into gold~!" And Minion didn't even have to cough up his firstborn as payment, how generous. Sorry, Cleo, but your lil' turkey butt's gotta remain here!
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    Post by Minion on Thu Jul 04, 2019 11:40 pm

    A cheeky little robot, wasn't he? Obnoxious and having the time of his life at Minion's expense. Goodness forbid a guy tries to avoid unfortunate implications! That's how you know Scaramouche came from Earth. Rather than respond verbally to the sing-songy teasing, the fish just flashed him a toothy grin. How's that for a poker-face, huh?

    "I'm loud as all heck, sure, and plenty bombastic - b-but I'm a real hard-workin' cat, robot's honor! Ya won't find a more industrious unit on the block than me, babe, guaran-freakin'-tee'd!"

    "Oh, no worries about that." He waved a robotic hand dismissively, mechanisms clicking and whirring softly with every movement. "A hard worker can recognize another, and I can definitely see that you put your all into everything." Minion gestured vaguely towards the robot's clothing. "It's written all over your outfit!" Such attention to detail, such coordination. Only a blind man would be ignorant to the hardworking drive obviously ingrained into Scaramouche! Listening to the metal man's schedule for the day, the alien fish tilted to the side curiously as his brows arched upwards. "Oh! Do you have a car? See, more evidence about how hard you work. I bet that car works perfectly and looks amazing!" He'd share some car care tips, but it was kinda hard to provide auto detailing for an invisible car. "Ha! No worries, I'll probably just ask you to bake some sort of bread and perhaps a cheesecake..." You know, enough to see that Scaramouche knew how to mix, bake, and perhaps even decorate! Chuckling off the robot's joking suggestion of baked Alaska, he nevertheless grinned toothily. "I'll let you know when I'm... 'down to clown', as you say!"

    Preferably at a time when they weren't sharing details about their traumatic pasts. Trauma had no place in the kitchen, and it'd probably be a distraction anyway. Even though his fingers only met glass, the fish still performed the gestures of wiping at his tank as if swiping away tears. He sniffed pitifully. Don't ask how a fish can sniff underwater. "I'm sorry, I'm okay. It's still just...hard, sometimes. But you're right, it's in the past! A-and maybe... Maybe this place can be our future together. We can remake our identities! And when I show myself to people, they'll know me as the owner of this place and not as... Megamind's nannyfish." More than anything else, the fish truly did wish to leave the past in the past. Fear of being identified only by his past was why he'd hidden himself away for so long. But steadily, maybe... He could branch out again. Be his own fish again.

    "'Mouche?" Wiping away the last 'tear', he gave a wavering sigh as if putting himself back together again. "Okay. 'Mouche it is!" The formalities were a lingering habit. He laughed softly, robotic shoulders relaxing. "I think I can meet those expectations. No one's pushing me around and I don't subscribe to 'the customer is always right'. They're usually wrong and uninformed!" Otherwise, would they come here to buy food if they were able to produce items of the same quality at home! Nope! He leveled an index finger at the robot and shook it jokingly. "That goes for you too, don't let anyone push you around! You're a free 'bot! So you're free to make your own decisions. And I'm not going to be running a dictatorship here. I'd like for us to be friends and coworkers, if that'd be okay once we hash everything out." Even if he didn't kowtow to others, he certainly wasn't going to ask for the robot to suddenly reign in all of that personality if he worked here! Just...allow the fish some time to adjust, yeah?

    Ignorant of such deep topics and the broad emotional range of the discussion between the two, Cleo was just enjoying herself! It was as if every digit this robot possessed were made for her! Who needs cat trees and comfy beds when you've got this guy?! Her rumbling purrs deepened as he rubbed her chinny chin chin, pink tongue poking out to lap lightly at his metal finger. Hm, she missed the salty taste of organic flesh. But she was used to the affections of robotic hands by now. And don't tell Minion, but Scaramouche's were far more dexterous! Rrrr...~ Continuing her ministrations, Cleo turned her gaze up to the robot and gaze him a blink of approval. The feline absolutely needed this metal man to stick around!

    "You caught me!" Chuckling in good humor, Minion rubbed the back of his tank with a bashful grin. "I'm a fan of irony and subverting expectations. Although I guess Goldy isn't as ironic as Harry. just... Obvious." One could also accuse the fish alien of just not being creative with names. He returned the salute in an instant, smile crooked with humor. "Oh, I can slide you all the deets! I can give you the original pictures I used for this, and we can brainstorm the descriptions to have more...pizzazz! We can hash it all out. Since I still...need to technically conduct a job interview like a professional, I'd actually like to know! I intend to have this place open from Monday to Friday, between 10 am to 4 pm to get the late breakfast and lunch crowd. When are you open to work?"

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